


You Too

by cloudsarefluffy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: (Computer Issues), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Autistic Derek Hale, Bullied Stiles Stilinski, College, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Crushes, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek Has Feelings, Derek Needs To Use His Words, Derek and Stiles are the Same Age, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional Sex, Growing Up, High School, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, May Be Slow to Update, Middle School, Miscommunication, Nice Peter, No Underage Sex, Non-Traditional Dialogue, Not Beta Read, OOC Derek, On Hiatus, Online Friendship, POV Derek, Pen Pals, Pining Derek, Playlist Available, Secret Identity, Separate Childhoods, Slow Build Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Feels, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Time Skips, Triggers, YouTube, YouTuber Derek Hale, YouTuber Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:40:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3964720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudsarefluffy/pseuds/cloudsarefluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What began as a single comment on a YouTube video ended up becoming the most complicated but vital decision in Derek Hale's life.</p><p>  <b>OR</b></p><p>A complex relationship is confined to the simplicity of an inbox, and two boys end up becoming far closer than they had ever imagined.</p><p> </p><p>  <b>CHAPTER THREE IS NOT FIC RELATED, BUT PLEASE READ.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2005

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mybabydrivesa67impala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybabydrivesa67impala/gifts), [Kris (breathless_stares)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathless_stares/gifts), [mothergoosegrim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothergoosegrim/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The 8Tracks Playlist](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/117178) by cloudsarefluffy. 



> This was requested by my friends for like, ever. Seriously. This started off as a single email and I was getting begged to write this. They'll probably look at this and think I'm exaggerating but I really was pushed to do it so shush.
> 
> Anyways, here it is, after some time of sitting in my sent box on gmail. I revived this puppy and wrote it. Go me.
> 
> Still, there's a few things I'd like to outline first:  
> \- This takes place within a time range from 2005-2015  
> \- Derek's replies are ALWAYS **bolded** while Stiles' and other's are _italicized_. (Derek also never uses commas because he's weird like that.)  
>  \- Stiles and Derek have never lived in the same town or anything. It will be explained within the fic.  
> \- Stiles and Derek are the same age.  
> \- There was never a Hale fire, so that means no man angst from Derek because of that mess.  
> \- Kate Argent is not alive for all I care. Derek will never meet her at all. She doesn't exist.  
> \- References to certain YouTube trends or videos will be made.  
> \- There will be NO OTHER or NO ACTUAL YouTubers in this. I don't want people fan fighting in the comments over them.
> 
> Derek is also OOC in this fic. I guess it's how he was written, but it made sense with how he was only interested in Stiles and YouTube. It should make more sense later on throughout the story, and you'll see Derek deal with things differently throughout the whole story as things progress and change.
> 
> There's also a playlist to this fic on 8tracks!  
> Some songs may not be found on YouTube - no pun or irony intended - but it's true.  
>  ****Songs will be listed at the bottom, in case you'd rather listen to them on YouTube.****  
>  LINK TO 8TRACKS: http://8tracks.com/cloudsarefluffy/you-too
> 
> ** **SIDE NOTE:** I may be slow to update because I'm currently having computer issues. I apologize for it in advance, and I'll try my best to get stuff written and uploaded for you guys. Apologies. My goal is try to update this fic with about 10k words each time, either going by a year in time passing or just when I reach that goal. Don't worry, this fic spans about a decade, so it won't be over too quickly. Also expect a lot of development with Derek and Stiles both.
> 
> That's pretty much it!  
> Enjoy!~  
> 

 

 

This is a banner I made for the story that's a safe size for mobile users (sorry if it's small for you).

No copyright on the YouTube logo intended.

 

 

**-X-**

The first time that Derek hears of YouTube, it's when Cora and Laura are tag teaming him with another stupid prank. After all, he's in middle school and they're in elementary - there's bound to be a maturity gap somewhere along the lines.

Now, Derek wasn't even phased - even as the screen changed from an innocent screenshot of a maze to what's-her-face from _The Exorcist._ He just spun around slowly in his chair and raised a single eyebrow at his sisters to silently ask: was that it?

Still, Derek, despite the unusual first encounter, was not all too "about" YouTube like everyone else was. He never cared much for Myspace when it was a thing, and now that Facebook is quickly gaining popularity, he could honestly care less about what seemed to be the latest fad.

But, then again...

There were some positives to this strange, new website.

He had found this out while passing in the hallway by their office, only to find Cora and Laura laughing at two guys doing a terrible lip sync to "I Want It That Way". It was then that Derek realized there was a promise of something more on YouTube - an opening door that couldn't be found anywhere else, really.

So, one day, when Cora and Laura were away at soccer practice for the evening, Derek hopped onto their communal desktop and typed YouTube in on the search bar.

It took him a good while, and he was about to just call it quits and forget about the site altogether, but then ... then he found something interesting.

He came across what looked like a new breed of "comedians".

People would apparently write skits or do stupid things on camera, and would then proceed to upload whatever happened onto the site. Derek found that he liked this kind of raw, unprofessionalism that came with what seemed to be a quickly growing thing to do. With that growth, Derek found something beginning to sprout its way up underneath his skin, like an itch that starts at the base of your spine and spreads until it seems like all of your flesh is crawling about your bones.

For the first time in forever, Derek found himself wanting to join the newest movement on the internet, and because of that, he soon became addicted to the place that started the whole new obsession of his.

He was probably far too eager to create his first account on YouTube, but as he typed in his username - BIGBAD618 - Derek couldn't help but shiver with the shrill of excitement that lit up his nerves as though it were matches scraping against the striking surface of its container.

He nearly flipped whenever he first got to see his account page. Even with its non-personalized, anonymous look, Derek felt at home when he looked at it. Even with its blankness, Derek felt pride when he browsed about the sections.

It was as though just _having_ an account made him someone that was on top of the world - and it was great.

It was great to be able to finally comment on videos he watched and like them - to horde and save them into playlists that he could binge watch later. He probably went through everything he could, devouring videos and content like he was a dehydrated man in the middle of a typhoon - opening his mouth wide to catch whatever precious drops he could to sate the wild thirst that scratched its way down from his throat and into his chest.

He was desperate, and because of that, it's probably how Derek came upon _him._

It was by pure happenstance that Derek found the boy. He had just typed in "skit" and was hoping for the best. It was the first video Derek saw, and interestingly enough, the title is what drew Derek in.

"Myspace vs. Facebook - The Ultimate Showdown"

Derek quickly clicked onto the link and waited for the video to load.

The first few seconds were title screens, but that was fine. What movie didn't have an introduction? What play didn't have an opening scene?

Derek could do this.

Through the speakers, a voice - male, from its sound - begins to speak, " _Ladies and Gentlemen, the age-long question shall finally be answered... Is Facebook better than Myspace, or shall it lose to its forerunner?"_

Derek shuffles a little in his seat, his interest peaked, and he begins to watch in rapt fascination as the black title screen fades out into a shot of some teen boy about his age, dressed up in what seems to be a homemade, felt costume. His face is covered by a cheap plastic mask, but a few moles speckle the skin that Derek can see. A large, horribly cut navy "M" labels the boy's chest, and Derek notices then that the corner of it isn't glued down enough, and it flaps over awkwardly.

The sight causes Derek to snort, but he continues watching either way.

" _My name is Myspace, and I'm here to ruin your life with computer viruses and people you wish you'd never see again!"_

The video cuts to another shot - one that's blurry for a split second until it focuses again - and this time, the boy is dressed in a cobalt costume that still comes with a mask. This time, a large "F", along with the letter "U", are plastered where the "M" used to be.

" _Your reign is over, Myspace. No one even wants to use you anymore!"_

Let's just say that after that, Derek was entranced by the boy - with his flailing limbs and quirky quips. There's a promise of something more about him - of something that could be worthwhile in terms of Derek's need to sate this new obsession of his.

Without thinking, really, Derek scrolls down, and comments.

**GREAT VIDEO. LOVED IT. I CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE OF YOUR STUFF.**

Derek scrolls up a little to look at the other teen's account. He operates under the username, "TheRedPolanderBear", apparently.

Derek is about to do more - like see if the other boy has uploaded anything else - but Cora and Laura are coming through the front door laughing, and Derek quickly signs out and closes the window before they can catch him in the act and tease him relentlessly.

This is his, and his alone.

No one can know.

 

**-X-**

 

Derek is waiting anxiously.

It's been about two days since he commented on that other teen's video, and since then, he hasn't been able to get onto YouTube at all. Cora and Laura have hogged it with their fake "homework and papers, mom" excuse, and it's leaving Derek pacing the outline of his room to where he thinks he might have worn a trail down into the carpet with his socks.

Still, after Cora and Laura apparently have their fill and have to go to practice again, Derek sneaks in quickly to check on his account.

He's a little frantic as he signs in, but he's absolutely internally panicking when he sees a notification on his account.

"Inbox - 1", it says.

Someone ... someone messaged him?

Derek quickly opens his inbox and gasps.

 **From: TheRedPolanderBear**  
_Thanks, man! I'm glad you liked it! I was really worried this sucked, but... apparently it didn't?  
Oh, and Big Bad, if you didn't know, you can press the CAPS button to make little letters like this. (; _

Derek's mouth is hanging open for a few moments, but he quickly gets his brain back online and rushes to reply.

 **To: TheRedPolanderBear**  
_I KNOW HOW TO TURN OFF THE CAPS BUTTON, I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE PRESSING IT AGAIN. MY SISTERS ALWAYS MAKE FUN OF ME FOR IT BUT I DON'T MIND.  
AS FOR YOUR VIDEO IT'S REALLY GOOD. I LAUGHED A WHOLE LOT. I HATE MYSPACE PERSONALLY SO I WAS HAPPY WHEN FACEBOOK WON. YOU SHOULD DO MORE THINGS LIKE THIS IN THE FUTURE. I'D DEFINITELY WATCH IT._

Derek hits send, and hopes for the best. 

 

**-X-**

 

Derek's in the middle of some random video when a certain notification pops up again.

He thinks he might get mental whiplash or eyestrain with how quickly the screen flashes over to his inbox, but he could honestly care less when he sees that the message is from TheRedPolanderBear again.

_Dude, thanks. I was really nervous about posting this stupid thing, you know? But I mean... if you think that I should do more then... I guess I could.  
You have siblings!? Dude, that's awesome! I'm an only child, so I wouldn't know what it's like..._

Derek frowns a little as he types: **HAVING SIBLINGS ISN'T ALWAYS FUN. THEY USUALLY TRY TO PRANK ME OR DO OTHER THINGS LIKE HIDE ALL MY LEFT SOCKS. THEY'RE LIKE TROLLS HONESTLY.  
** **AND PLEASE DO UPLOAD MORE VIDEOS. I'D LOVE TO SEE ALL OF THEM IF YOU WERE WILLING.**  
**OH AND MY NAME ISN'T DUDE. JUST CALL ME BIG BAD.**

Before he can regret it, Derek blushes heavily as he hits send and signs out right as his mom comes in to ask him about supper.

 

**-X-**

 

The reply comes later that night when Derek is staying up browsing while everyone else in the house is asleep. He's sitting at the desk with the screen dimly illuminating things as his hand slips a little about the mouse occasionally. It's only when his eyes are drooping shut with exhaustion when a familiar color of red appears by his username.

As though it was a shot of caffeine and or adrenaline, Derek shoots up from where he had slumped over and quickly opens the new message.

 _I'm sure that having siblings has its perks and its downfalls, but... trolls? Really? Do you guys live under a bridge or something?_  
_Oh, well... I guess that'd be cool. I could message you whenever something new comes up. I guess you're my first official fan, haha. XD_  
_Hm, okay, Big Bad... I'm not sure what you've called me so far, but... call me Stiles. Say it like "styles", okay?_

Stiles.

...

_Stiles._

It tastes sweet on Derek's tongue after he tries it out - like someone just took a dab of powdered sugar and sprinkled it into the syllables for someone to taste during its pronunciation.

"Okay..." Derek murmurs giddily, and begins to reply.

 

**-X-**

 

After a week or so of replying whenever he can, Derek realizes something. He and Stiles, they talk _a lot._ Like, so much so that every single time Derek signs in there's always a reply or two sitting in his inbox. In fact, there's several different threads going on between them, and it's all because Stiles found funny videos or wanted to mention something else and didn't want to change the subject in the other conversations.

_It's important, Big Bad. Butterscotch is way better than chocolate and vanilla._

**NO IT'S NOT. CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA BALANCE EACH OTHER OUT LIKE NIGHT AND DAY STILES. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE FROM THAT AND JUST PLAIN GROSSNESS.**

Derek snorts at Stiles' reply: _Grossness? Big Bad, have you EVER eaten butterscotch pudding before? Obviously not, since you're hating on it. Be nicer. And "balance each other out"? Jeez, Big Bad, what are you? "The Shakespeare of Puddings"?_

Derek laughs as he types: **I ACCEPT THAT TITLE WITH GRACE BUT NO I'M JUST AN AVERAGE JOE THAT LOVES CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA PUDDING. DON'T JUDGE ME WHEN I'M JUST TRYING TO EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR IT.**

Stiles takes about a minute to reply.

_Well, don't let me stop you then... Speaking of expressing something, I was thinking about making a new video over pudding types. The conversation kind of inspired it - that, and the fact that my dad prefers tapioca. I judge him for his life choices harshly._

**THAT SOUNDS GREAT. SEND ME THE LINK WHENEVER YOU FINALLY POST IT. I ALSO WANT TO READ THE COMMENTS AND SEE WHAT THE PEOPLE LIKE BETTER. THAT'LL SETTLE OUR LITTLE FUED.**

For some reason, Derek can picture Stiles' face - a vague thing that Derek has learned the shape of from his first video - with a smile over it once he gets the reply from him: _Fine. It's settled then. The public shall decide who wins the pudding debate._

Derek smirks, and laughs till his sides ache whenever he finds out that the "public's choice" is neither butterscotch or vanilla and chocolate, but rather tapioca. 

 

**-X-**

 

Stiles and Derek have been officially messaging each other now for two months. A lot of threads have been started and kept up with, and Derek feels as though he is drowning in everything that is Stiles.

Which is fine. It's perfectly fine.

It's perfectly fine because the rare times that Derek isn't replying to Stiles' numerous messages, he's watching his videos - completely enraptured with his amber eyes with long lashes. It's either that or his numerous moles and how Derek can see a few through the buzz cut he's got going on as a hairstyle.

Still, Derek sighs and watches as Stiles' third official video loads - one about how ketchup is better than mustard but pickles are somehow the best burger condiment because it can be eaten by itself - when Cora and Laura finally catch Derek and his "homework".

"You _liar!"_ Cora laughs loudly, and proceeds to speak to her older brother in a teasing tone, "You're on YouTube, not BrainPop!"

Derek is still blushing heavily as he pushes away his sisters from the screen, "Just leave me alone!"

Laura scoffs and gasps as she notices that Derek is still signed in, "Derek Hale! You have a _YouTube account!?"_

"Go away!"

"Oh my gosh, this is amazing," Cora giggles and grabs her flip phone to snap a quick picture of her elder brother, "I'm sending this to everyone in the family so that way we'll have long discussions about this come the next reunion."

Derek groans in frustration, "Guys, just go back to the living room and watch Zoey 101 or something-"

"But this is so much better, Derek!" Laura whines as she manages to get the mouse in her hands, and she laughs something sinister when she sees Derek's notification number, "Oh, you _message_ people with this thing!? Cora, we struck gold!"

Derek begins to panic, "Seriously, just go-"

"Let me see! Let me see!"

Derek tries pushing them away, but to no avail. It's there on the screen for them to see - all of the sixteen personal, oh so personal, threads he has going on with Stiles - and he just curls up into an ashamed ball as they begin to read all of his messages.

"Oh, Big Bad," Cora begins to read aloud in a dramatic, annoying voice, "thou haveth thy heart!"

Derek shudders a little as bile threatens to rise past his throat.

"His name is _Stiles?"_ Laura snorts incredulously as she scrolls along, "That's a stupid name-"

"No it's _not,_ " Derek hisses in frustration, and he starts to feel angry tears forming in his eyes as they sting alongside his cheeks, "It's a _good_ name-"

Cora makes a pouty face at Derek as she pivots away from the screen, "Aw, do you _like_ Stiles, Derek? Do you wanna kiss him till he's blue in the face?"

Derek's cheeks burn hotter, "N-No-"

"Oh my gosh, _yes you do!"_ Laura cries happily as she and Cora keep sifting through Derek's personal inbox as they chant, "You want to kiss him till he's blue! You wanna kiss him till he's blue!"

" _No I don't!"_ Derek finally snaps, and after that, it's on.

It's a fierce tumbling of limbs and words as Derek begins to tackle his two younger sisters as they keep making more taunting comments about _Stiles._

He gets a knee or two to his face, and he can surely taste on his lip, but he fights back with as much venom as he can muster while he's getting attacked by his two sisters. They keep insulting Stiles or picking fun at Derek, saying that he wants Stiles to be his husband and that Derek still wants to kiss him till he's blue, and he finds himself enraged with the teasing.

That's what his mom walks in on - to her three children hitting and screaming at each other violently. Like the soldier she is, she quickly pulls her children apart, but that doesn't mean that the damage isn't already done.

It's in the form of a black eye and a split lip for Derek, while his other sisters are sporting nasty bruises and a few random nicks themselves. They're still yelling at each other when Talia shouts.

" _ENOUGH!"_

They all quiet then, and Talia sighs as she brings a hand up to her face as her stress undoubtedly begins to build up in the form of a migraine.

Laura at least has the decency to wait a moment, "Derek started it-"

"I don't want to hear it," his mom hisses out, obviously angry at all of them, "I come home from the store to find you all beating each other to a pulp while your uncle was busy fixing dinner. I taught you three better than that."

Derek sniffles a little, unable to stop the tears as his frustration just crests like a tsunami wave that got too big to handle its own weight.

Talia turns to her only son and her expression softens, that is, until Cora shouts, "You big baby!"

"You're both brats!" Derek hisses through tears, despite the painful split in his lip and the uncomfortable swelling of his eye, "You're both stupid brats and I wish that you weren't my sisters!"

Talia looks like she's about to say something, but Derek runs out of the room before she can get anything else out.

He feels pathetic as he cries, and he wonders what Stiles would think that of him too if he knew about everything that had just happened. 

 

**-X-**

 

Talia comes into his room after an hour or so has passed and the tears have left sticky trails down Derek's cheeks. The split in his lip has stopped bleeding, but it doesn't change the feeling of something draining out of him as he hears the door open as his mom steps in.

"Derek," she says softly, "Derek, honey, I know you're still up."

"Leave me alone," Derek sluggishly pulls his comforter over his head - as though it would just swallow him up whole and steal him away from this mess altogether.

Talia sighs, "Derek, I'm not mad at you. With your sisters, it's a different story, but... you don't have to hide from me."

Derek, despite having cried until it felt like his eyes would liquefy in their sockets, begins to tear up, and his voice shakes, "I'm not hiding from anyone..."

"Derek, please come out of there."

After a moment, he peeks from underneath the covers.

Talia is smiling softly when he comes into view, "There you are."

"I probably look horrible," Derek mutters.

"A little beaten up, yes, but not horrible."

"Best two out of three?"

Talia laughs quietly, and begins to run a gentle hand through her son's hair, "They had no right to tease you like that, Derek."

"Mom-"

"I'm serious. You have a friend, and that's normal. What's not normal is for them to give you grief about it."

Derek doesn't look at her when she tilts his face in her direction.

"Derek," she scolds softly, and he finally complies - her eyes are soft while her mouth is set in a scowl, "While I'm not happy about you fighting with your sisters, I understand that you're frustrated. I know that you didn't want them to know about your account or your messages because you knew they'd make fun of you for it. The sad part is that I would've been surprised if they hadn't. I'm aware of how those two heathens cross lines and push buttons, and I'd expect that would be the worst thing for something that looks to be extremely personal for you."

Derek chokes out a sob, and he winces as his swollen eye pulses with the effort to force out a tear, "I- I didn't want them to judge me... I didn't want _anyone_ to judge me."

Talia coos at her boy, "I know, I know, and it's wrong for them to. You and this other boy- Stiles, from what I heard- are friends, and nothing should be wrong about that, now should it?"

"N-No," Derek sniffles out.

"Exactly. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to ground Laura and Cora until I'm content, and you... I'm getting you your own computer."

Derek's good eye goes wide, "R-Really?"

"Yes, so that way you and your friend can keep on talking to one another while Laura and Cora learn a lesson in manners and decency."

Derek smiles as best as he can with his split lip, "Thanks, mom."

"It's what I'm here for kid," she laughs softly and kisses him on the forehead, "Now come eat dinner with us. It's weird to have an open seat and extra mac n' cheese."

Derek doesn't have to be told twice.

 

**-X-**

 

Laura and Cora are mad throughout dinner, and it only worsens a little when Talia makes a family announcement about Derek's upcoming ownership of his own computer.

Derek would smile smugly under different circumstances, but his lip is too sore over his teeth and his mind is too off in space over Stiles to do any of that. 

 

**-X-**

 

Until his personal computer comes in, Derek refuses to use the one inside of their family office. It's a struggle, considering that he knows that Stiles is more than likely wondering where he's been, but Derek isn't chancing another surprise attack from Laura and Cora when he finally gets to reply.

The wait is torture, but the reward is amazing once Derek finally gets his computer set up and running. He's fingers are shaking horribly, and he has to enter in his username and password several times before he finally gets it right.

Still, he's freaking out and pretty much hyperventilating once he sees his inbox.

Stiles started a new thread, this time, it being labeled: Dude, where are you?

Derek hurriedly opens it to see what it says.

_It's been a few days, Big Bad, and I'm worried. Are you okay?_

Derek takes a deep breath.

**I'M FINE. JUST HAD SOME COMPUTER TROUBLES. DON'T WORRY.**

He hits send and replies to all the other threads of theirs, and once he's finished replying, he sees a new message from where Stiles had asked him about where he went.

_Oh, okay. I thought that maybe you were sick or something. I was freaking out, honestly. I hate when you don't reply apparently._

Derek frowns for a second: **YOU DO?**

_Yes. Try and not freak me out like that, please. I have horrible nerves, dude. It nearly drove me crazy._

Derek smiles: **I FELT THE SAME WAY. I WANTED TO REPLY SO BAD BUT I COULDN'T.**

Derek could imagine Stiles huffing and rolling his eyes: _Yes, Big Bad. I was worried about you, okay? Just- I've got to go to bed now. I've been staying up late for the past week to make sure that I was awake when you replied, and I'd be lying if I said I could keep talking. Sorry about cutting it short, but I'm absolutely exhausted and I'm ninety-nine percent positive that my optic nerves are completely and utterly fried. I'll finish replying to everything in the morning after school once I don't feel like I'm dying. Until then, sleep well, Big Bad._

It makes him smile as he types.

**THAT'S FINE. I HOPE YOUR EYES FEEL BETTER IN THE MORNING.**

Derek pauses for a second, and then adds: **YOU TOO.**

 

**-X-**

 

A few weeks pass, and the "computer" incident has been moved on from, at least, between Derek and Stiles it is.

But there's another issue becoming apparent between them.

Stiles is growing in popularity now that Derek has coached him into posting more videos and skits. It makes Derek a little jealous, especially so when these other people begin to comment on Stiles' content.

That's for Derek to do.

They tell Stiles that they're his number one fan and that they support him in his YouTube endeavors and they'll always be there for him.

That's Derek's job - he even has the message saved to prove that he's Stiles' first official fan. They can all go fall on a cactus Lego for what Derek cares.

Still, Stiles doesn't make it a big thing between them. He doesn't bring up his expanding group of fans or that his videos are getting more views and comments than ever.

So Derek won't say anything, even if it's killing him a little to just keep his head down and let other people love Stiles like he did first.

 

**-X-**

 

_It's not that hard, Big Bad._

**YES IT IS STILES.**

_All you have to do is get a camera and do your thing. That's it._

**STILES I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO POST MY OWN STUFF BUT I CAN'T. I CAN'T RISK DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT.**

_You're not wanted for murder or anything else, are you?_

**NO I'M NOT BUT I JUST CAN'T POST ANYTHING STILES. I'M AREADY DOING TOO MUCH AS IT IS. IF I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE PEOPLE MIGHT JUDGE ME. I'M NOT LIKE YOU. I CAN'T BE AN IDIOT IN FRONT OF A CAMERA AND LET THE WHOLE WORLD WATCH ME LIKE THAT.**

_So you think I'm an idiot for making the videos you ASK for?_

**GOD I DIDN'T... I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT OK? I JUST CAN'T MAKE VIDEOS LIKE YOU STILES. I JUST CAN'T.**

_Fine. Just- forget I said anything then..._

It's the first and the last time they argue like that, and Stiles never brings up having Derek becoming an official YouTuber again. 

 

**-X-**

 

Derek stares longingly at a screenshot of Stiles in his latest videos. He's already told Stiles that he's gotten so much better in the ten months that have passed since his first video, and he means every word. The content has improved, and not only that, there's something that is growing inside of Derek's chest now when he watches Stiles on screen.

There's just something in the way that his arms flail about and his eyes widen when he jokes around - in the curve of his lips when he smiles or in the way that his hair has grown out a little and he hasn't seemed to have gotten it trimmed lately.

He can't figure out what it is - this ... this _fluttering_ against his ribs... It makes him nervous, and for a while, he thinks something might be medically wrong.

"I just don't get it, mom," Derek explains to Talia with a hint of fear in his voice, "My chest it just gets all- all _tight_ when I talk or see him on my screen and I don't know why and I think I might have a serious heart condition that I might need to get hospitalized for."

Talia giggles at her son, "Derek, love isn't a heart condition."

Derek scowls, "L-Love?"

"Yes," Talia sighs and pulls her son over to his bed and makes him sit along the edge of it, "I should've pulled you aside earlier to just talk about this sooner, but you'd never shown any sign of being interested in people before this. Actually, that's a whole other thing we've got to talk about, but that's not important," his mom waves a hand through the air, but continues on, "What is important is that I think you might like your online friend."

"I- How do you know?"

"Because I'm your mother and I've been in love, honey," Talia brushes some of Derek's hair with her fingers, "It's also my job to know you as though you were the back of my hand."

"Oh," he murmurs.

Talia smiles, "Yes, Derek. Now, why did it take so long for you to come to me about this?"

Derek begins to twiddle his fingers over one another, "I thought you'd judge me."

"Derek, I could never judge you," Talia gets down on her knees and cups Derek's face, "You can tell me anything that's bothering you-"

"I think I might like boys, mom..."

Talia takes a moment, and Derek thinks that she's going to say she hates him - that she doesn't want him as a son anymore and that he needed to find another home to live in. After all, that's what happened to Danny once he told his parents that he liked boys just like Derek did, so maybe that's how they're supposed to react when this sort of thing happens.

"Derek, that's-"

That's gross. Despicable. _Unnatural._

"-fine."

Derek blinks, "W-What?"

"I said that it's fine," Talia repeats easily, and she smiles at her son, "It's fine for you to like boys, Derek."

Derek gapes for a second, "It is?"

"Yes," Talia laughs softly, "Did you think it wasn't?"

"I've heard that it's wrong for me to, but- I can't help it. I just look at Stiles and I think that I'm falling off of something but I'm not. It's just that the rush in my chest is the exact same, and I don't know why that is."

"That's because- well, son, we need to talk about biology for a moment..."

Derek can't sleep that night, because all the new information that he knows now cant be erased or ignored once Talia explains that it has to do with Stiles.

 

**-X-**

 

It's around Christmas time now, and Derek smiles as he wakes to his living room filled with presents and his inbox filled with replies.

He half smirks whenever he gets the husky Webkinz he'd asked for, but full on smiles - with teeth, even, despite the teasing from Cora and Laura about being a "bunny" - when he reads Stiles' new message.

_Merry Christmas, you dork._

A picture is pasted onto the message, and it's Stiles with homemade Harry Potter glasses and a robe on while he holds the newest addition to the series.

Derek replies quickly: **MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO YOU IDIOT.**

He at least has the guts to send back a picture to Stiles, though it's not of him, but rather, a picture of his Webkinz by his own copy of the book.

_A puppy AND Harry Potter? And I thought I had it set in life._

Derek laughs and smiles like an "idiot bunny" for the rest of the day.

 

**-X-**

 

It's Derek's birthday when it happens.

Stiles messages him with a new thread, and at first, he's excited until he reads the message.

_Some ddudes at my school recognzed me today. They said my videos sucke d. I'm on the verge of deleting them a nd I'm having a pAnic attack right now and I_

**DEEP BREATHS. COME ON STILES. YOU CAN DO THIS. IN AND OUT. SIX SECONDS ON EACH EXHALE AND INHALE. AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THIS SITE IS TELLING ME...**

_Its n ot workiNg_

**THEY'RE JERKS AND YOU'RE BETTER THAN THEM. YOU'VE GOT HUNDREDS OF FANS NOW AND THEY ALL COMPLETELY LOVE YOU. JUST BECAUSE SOME DOUCHEBAGS SAY OTHERWISE DOESN'T MEAN THOSE OTHER PEOPLE DON'T EXIST.**

_pPeople lik e you?_

**YES STILES PEOPLE LIKE ME.**

Stiles takes a bit to reply, and Derek panics himself for a moment.

_Sorry that I- I'm sorry for being dramatic like this... It's just that my dad is working a late shift tonight so he isn't home. I have to have him coach me through panic attacks and he wasn't here so I just thought- I panicked and could only think of you and I'm sorry._

**WHY ARE YOU SORRY?**

_Because I shouldn't put pressure on you like this. You may be having your own problems, so it must be really shitty of me to just dump all of mine onto you because I'm incapable of dealing with them normally._

Derek is a little taken aback by the curse word, because his mom still gets enraged whenever Cora and Laura try to sneak one or two in, and for the fact that he and Stiles have never used any before in their conversations. It's kind of like a slap of cold water to the face right before you fall asleep, but to his surprise, Derek finds that he likes the newfound clarity between them.

**I DON'T MIND STILES. YOU WERE HAVING ISSUES AND IT'S FINE FOR YOU TO OPEN UP TO ME ABOUT THEM. AFTER ALL, WHAT ARE BEST FRIENDS FOR?**

_Best friends? ..._

Derek blushes as he types: **I MEAN IF YOU DON'T THINK SO IT'S FINE BUT I JUST THOUGHT THAT... I JUST THOUGHT THAT WE WERE.**

_That's because we are._

**WE ARE?**

_Yeah, I guess we are... I mean, I did just come to you while having a big panic attack, even though the only form of comfort you can give me is a message or two in my inbox, but... I think we're doing good so far._

Derek's cheeks burn with more blush coupled with a wide smile: **YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND, JUST SO YOU KNOW...**

_You too._

Everything is much better after that.

 

**-X-**

 

Things get much worse after that, or so it seems.

Apparently these boys at Stiles' school are relentless in their jokes and attacks, and more often than not, Stiles messages Derek whenever they chase him into a bathroom stall at school. Derek feels bad about causing Stiles such grief since he convinced him to become more active with his skits, but he feels even worse whenever Stiles makes it apparent to not make it an issue in any of his videos.

Even though these group of other guys are hounding Stiles about "stupid ass videos" and "dumbass ideas", or they tell Stiles that he's all of these horrible things for expressing himself through skits and "gay things" - which Derek doesn't get, because how is this somehow homosexual? - Stiles doesn't dare mutter a word about it.

He puts on a steel face for his fans - the total of which now crests over the three-hundred mark - and he tells them that he's excited about new content and ideas and that he's happier than ever.

And Derek knows it's a lie - knows it because he gets the numerous messages from Stiles about how he sometimes legitimately fears for his safety whenever he's about to go to school and face those guys again - knows it because Stiles sometimes doesn't cover up the bruises all that well in his videos, and there's always that slight wince to his smile for Derek to know that it's a bad one again.

But the worst part about it is that Derek can do _nothing._

He's tried - he really has - but he doesn't know Stiles' full name or where he goes to school or what the boys' names are or what they've done to Stiles exactly. He can't just call the police or Stiles' dad - who is a sheriff, apparently - about what's going on.

He's forced to just sit back and _read_ about what's happening to Stiles - to see hints of it lingering on his skin when his lip is split in one video and for a while he has a bit of a limp from where he "twisted his ankle" after trying to run down the stairs one day "in a rush to get to school" - the very one he tells Derek he's terrified of.

Derek knows better than that, and he hates that he does, because there's no one else who's apparently as aware of Stiles as he is, and for that, Stiles gets to suffer that much longer.

 

**-X-**

 

Stiles' dad finally catches on, from what Stiles explains in a string of messages sent late at night that Derek is rushing to read after waking up.

_I've got to go to court and tell them everything they did to me... Do you know how embarrassing that's going to be? To tell a courtroom full of people that these four guys were able to beat me to a pulp daily and I never did anything to defend myself? I'll probably look pathetic up on the stand, and if I cry..._

**YOU'RE NOT PATHETIC. YOU'RE THE STRONGEST MOST AMAZING PERSON I KNOW. DON'T THINK THAT YOU'RE ANY LESS OF WHAT YOU ACTUALLY ARE BECAUSE SOME RANDOM FOUR GUYS THINK THAT THEY CAN JUDGE YOU FOR SOMETHING YOU DO AND THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.**

_I know what you meant by not posting videos... I should've been like you and played it safe. I should've just sat back and watched other people instead of joining them..._

**DON'T.**

_Don't what?_

**DON'T DEGRADE YOURSELF LIKE THAT AND REGRET WHAT YOU'VE DONE. I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS STILES. WHEN I'VE HAD A SHIT DAY AND I FEEL LIKE FALLING APART WHEN I COME HOME I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AFTER WATCHING YOU. WHEN I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GET THROUGH SOMETHING I FORCE MYSELF TO WATCH YOUR VIDEOS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THERE'S A GOOD SIDE TO THE BAD THINGS- SOME CHOCOLATE FOR SOME VANILLA. YOU GIVE ME A REASON TO SMILE WHEN I THOUGHT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY ANYMORE. THAT'S WHY STILES. YOU'RE AN INSPIRATION TO ME AND TO EVERYONE WHO WATCHES THE VIDEOS YOU SLAVE OVER MAKING FOR US. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A VIDEO THEN THAT'S WHAT YOU DO. IF YOU WANT TO WRITE A SKIT OVER A PERSON TRIPPING A BANANA AS COMICAL REVENGE THEN THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING DO. DON'T LET THOSE PEOPLE PUT YOU DOWN JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN'T RECOGNIZE TALENT WHEN THEY SEE IT.**

Stiles takes a while to reply, but when he does, Derek's heart swells.

_Big Bad, you just- you just can't say those kind of things and not expect to bawl my frickin' eyes out..._

**I MADE YOU CRY?...**

_Yes, but they were happy tears, you dork. Thank you..._

**YOU'RE WELCOME IDIOT.**

Derek smiles, despite the sinking anxiousness he feels in his chest.

 

**-X-**

 

The court case apparently goes well, and the boys that tortured Stiles for a month straight are officially guilty on the day that Stiles and Derek's friendship turns one.

_I can't believe it's been a year..._

**I KNOW. IT FEELS WEIRD.**

_And the present for our "frieniverssary" was great. Those assholes have a year or two of juvy to go through before anything else. My dad said that he's going to make sure they've learned their lesson._

**HOW IS HE GOING TO DO THAT?**

_Cop intimidation, probably... Hey, Big Bad, since we're sort of on the topic of "anniversaries", when's your birthday?_

Derek pauses for a moment: **IN NOVEMBER.**

_And you never told me!?_

Derek rolls his eyes lightly: **DIDN'T THINK IT WAS THAT IMPORTANT.**

_Trust me, it's important, Big Bad._

**WHY?**

_Because we're best friends, remember? Caring about each other's birthdays is what friends do._

That comment makes Derek blush a little as he replies: **BUT I'M NOT REALLY WORTH THE EFFORT STILES. BESIDES MY BIRTHDAY HAS ALREADY PASSED. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING FOR IT.**

_Nope. You have no say. You are getting a present, my friend, because you ARE worth it. Now, just wait a little bit. I've got to work on your gift._

Derek rolls his eyes, but he knows Stiles well enough by now that if he wants to do something, nothing can really stop him. 

 

**-X-**

 

The "gift" comes in the form of a new video from Stiles labeled: "Happy Birthday!"

Derek is gaping softly as he clicks on the link and watches Stiles appear on his screen, adorned with a cardboard birthday hat and with a party horn baring between his bowed lips, as balloons and confetti flutter down like leaves during the fall around him.

" _Happy birthday, Big Bad! I'm sorry that I'm a few months late, but that's what you get for not telling me anything,_ " Derek laughs at that, " _Now, you're probably wondering- what's my gift? Well here it is, you dork. Enjoy._ "

On the screen, Stiles goes behind this huge box he's got sitting in the middle of the room and opens it to show the camera - to show _Derek_ \- the present.

It's what looks like a new video camera, and Stiles smiles warmly.

" _I know, you're more than likely trying to figure out how this is **your** gift exactly, but I'm here to tell you that my gift is myself... technically._ "

That's fine. That's all Derek ever needs.

" _I'm going to be making more videos with better quality from now on, and I know that while that doesn't seem like a really good gift, it's all I can really give to you when you think about it._ "

Stiles sighs and sits down in his chair then, and he uses the edge of his desk to roll himself into a better position for the camera he's filming with.

" _You told me once that my videos gave you a reason. For what exactly, I wasn't sure. You said that it was a reason to smile, but... I feel like that's just cheating the both of us. I know that feelings are complicated and so are words, and that maybe it's hard to express that sensation in your chest or whatever,_ " Stiles runs a nervous hand through his hair, " _but I just think that I could give this to you... You know, for giving **me** a reason when I really didn't have one myself. So thank you, Big Bad, and happy super belated birthday. Sorry if my gift sucked..._ "

The video feed cuts off, but it doesn't matter. Derek can't see through the tears either way.

 

**-X-**

 

**YOUR GIFT WAS GREAT. THANK YOU.**

_Thanks... I'm glad you liked it... You know, if I actually had your address, I would legit send you something in the mail._

**YOU WOULD?**

_Yes, you dork. I really would. It would be better because then I could actually get something for you that's an actual gift._

**YOU'RE AN IDIOT BUT APPARENTLY YOUR MINE SO IT'S OK. AS FOR THE ADDRESS THING THAT'D BE COOL. THEN I COULD SEND YOU SOMETHING FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY TOO.**

_I'm happy to be your idiot. Like you said once, it's something I accept with grace. And yeah- that'd be great. Let me go talk to me dad about it real quick. He's a little paranoid after the whole "group harassment" thing at school, so he may not be on board. I'd probably still sneak you something in the mail, but it's better than nothing..._

**A TITLE AMONG MANY OTHERS. AND IF YOU'RE DAD SAYS NO IT'S FINE IF YOU DON'T. I'M SERIOUS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET IN TROUBLE OVER ME. I'LL BE FINE WITHOUT.**

_Exactly. But seriously, Big Bad, I'll feel terrible if I don't do SOMETHING for you. I feel even worse with what I already gave you..._

**I TOLD YOU THAT WHAT YOU DID WAS GREAT AND I MEANT IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ELSE FOR ME. I'M ALREADY HAPPY AS IS.**

_Well, since you're not budging on the whole "replacement gift" thing, how about a present for our one year anniversary for being friends?_

**THAT'S COOL. YEAH LET'S DO THAT INSTEAD.**

_Good, then it's settled. I get a gift, and so do you. Now let me just see if my dad's okay with it real quick..._

Derek rushes away from his computer to begin looking around his room for _something_. He knows that his mom wouldn't care if he wanted to send something to Stiles - in fact, she'd probably be all for it - but Derek feels like it'd be impersonal if his mom went shopping for his gift.

So he ends up scrounging around for anything that looks like it could be something Stiles would like, and it turns out to be a big struggle for Derek. He's gripping onto his hair from frustration when he doesn't really come up with anything.

Stiles is going to be so disappointed in him. He's going to stop talking to Derek and _boom_ \- there goes their friendship.

He flops over onto his bed, about to cry from the feeling in his chest at the idea of Stiles hating him, only to notice something as he falls against the mattress.

That ... that could work...

Derek rushes over to his computer with haste, and he nearly falls out of his desk chair as he rushes about: **I THINK I KNOW THAT I'M GOING TO SEND YOU. I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE IT OR ME AFTERWARDS...**

"Mom!" he shouts, pushing his chair back a little so his voice can carry a bit more throughout the house, "I need a box for something!" 

 

**-X-**

 

_I talked to my dad. He was okay with the idea. I mean, he was a little confused because I'd never told him about you, so... But either way he's for it. Also, I'm really excited for what you're sending me._

Derek pauses for a moment. Was Stiles ashamed of him? Did he not want anyone to know about their friendship?

Well, Derek would be a hypocrite, considering, but it doesn't mean that it's a little hard to swallow as he replies.

**THAT'S GREAT. AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT IN TROUBLE OVER ME. AS FOR YOUR GIFT I THINK I DID WELL. ACTUALLY I'M NOT SURE BUT I TRIED. IT'S WAY HARDER TO PICK OUT A GIFT THAN I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT.**

_I know right? Usually I'm able to just whip something out of my head and it works out perfectly, but this... I'm struggling with this one._

**WHY?**

_Because I don't want to disappoint you..._

Derek runs a hand through his hair before he replies: **YOU COULD NEVER DO THAT. I'D LOVE WHATEVER YOU GIVE ME.**

_But is that because you don't want to hurt my feelings or is it because you'll genuinely like it, that's the question._

**AND THE ANSWER IS THAT I WILL LOVE IT AND I MEAN THAT. I'M BEING SERIOUS. THERE'S NO WAY I COULD EVER HATE WHAT YOU WOULD GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO GIVE ME. THEN I'D BE THE IDIOT HERE.**

Stiles takes a bit to reply, and Derek begins to wonder if he said something wrong and upset Stiles because of it. He's actually chewing on his nails from his nerves by the time the message reaches his inbox.

_No, you could never be the idiot. That's for me to do, you dork... But seriously... Thank you. For everything._

**WHAT DO YOU MEAN?...**

_It's just- you must get annoyed with me sometimes... I mean, it must get tiring to keep replying to me so much. You probably just want me to disappear on you and leave you alone, but... I mean I can't. I care too much not to._

Derek doesn't know how to reply for a few moments.

**I DON'T THINK YOU'RE ANNOYING. IN FACT I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU EVER GOT THAT IDEA.**

_It's just how I think and worry, Big Bad. I'm a big ball of anxiety, and I'm sorry for that. I just- I think that you would like to be best friends with someone better than me. You deserve better._

**THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.**

_What? ..._

**I COULD NEVER FIND ANYONE BETTER BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ANYONE. I'M FRIENDS WITH YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO BE NOT BECAUSE I FEEL PITY OR BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT I'M FORCING MYSELF TO. YOU'RE AN AMAZING PERSON STILES AND IF ANYONE HERE IS DERSERVING OF SOMETHING BETTER IT'S YOU. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE OR WHAT MY ACTUAL NAME IS. I ANNOY YOU WITH COMMENTS ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR VIDEOS AND I ALWAYS BEG YOU FOR MORE WHEN I KNOW I SHOULDN'T REALLY. I TYPE IN ALL CAPS FOR PETE'S SAKE. SURELY YOU MUST WONDER IF I EVEN KNOW WHAT LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE.**

Stiles takes a moment, and the nail biting resumes because of it.

_I like the whole CAPS thing you've got going. It makes me think you're shouting everything you say, and it's- ... Big Bad, I'm going to be honest here. Even though a lot of people say they like my videos or they want me to do more or whatever, I feel... I feel like all of it's surface level. With you it's so much deeper and I just- you feel fucking real, Big Bad. There's just something about you that seems like it's so much more than twenty-six letters in variations on a screen. I actually feel like you're my friend and not some pen name. Do you know how utterly complicated and terrifying that is? To know that I've got a best friend somewhere in the vast expanse of the universe that tells me I can make him smile out of all things that are possible? I just don't get it... I do all of these annoying things like argue with myself over pudding flavors and social websites, and somehow, through all that, you can still find it within yourself to write to me daily? ... I understand math, and I think I have a good handle on things like verb usage and sentence structure- but how, out of everything that I could possibly ever get stumped by, is it the fact that you want to be friends with me?_

Derek stares at his screen for a moment, and his fingers are shaking as he replies.

**IT'S BECAUSE I ENJOY KNOWING YOU. YOU AREN'T A BURDEN OR AN ANNOYANCE I PROMISE. YOU MAKE ME LAUGH AND SMILE AND HOW IS THAT A BAD THING EXACTLY? HOW IS HAVING ME ENJOY YOUR VIDEOS AND YOUR CLUMSINESS SOMETHING YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND? IT'S SIMPLE STILES. I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE I... I LIKE YOU.**

Oh shit.

_You like me?_

Derek flounders about. He knows that not every guy is like him or Danny - that it differs from person to person - that some people don't think or feel like he does. So what if Stiles isn't like that? What if Stiles like girls and making videos while Derek likes boys and sitting out on the sidelines to watch instead?

The possibility of scaring Stiles off with that kind of admission has a heavy pang stinging its way through Derek chest and against his ribs, and his breathing feels sharp, as though the air in his lungs was turning into crude glass.

It's complicated, Derek realizes - it's complicated and terrifying just like Stiles has said.

_Big Bad?_

With the new message's arrival, Derek notices that it's been almost ten minutes since he received Stiles' reply.

_Hey, it's okay. I know what you mean. We're friends. Good friends. That's how it's been, right?_

**YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I MEANT. I JUST HAD TO GO TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING. HOLD ON.**

_It's alright... I'll wait for you until you get back._

Derek gasps and turns the screen off, and he can't do anything but burrow underneath his covers and wonder why he feels the way he does about Stiles - about how he apparently get the words out right.

Normally, he doesn't try with people. It just - it doesn't happen. He sees the other kids in his school and he just gets flustered and shut in, and he doesn't know why.

Talia used to pull him aside and ask him what the problem was when it came to making friends, and Derek just stared at her wondering what she meant. He hadn't thought there was an issue. He was in school, he made good grades, and his teachers liked him well enough.

What else could she possibly want?

" _Derek, honey, I know you're having trouble opening up, but it's important for someone to have a friend. Even if it's just one,_ " he remembers his mother telling him one day after a parent-teacher meeting in primary school, and her voice echoed down the empty hallways, " _Promise me, Derek. No matter how hard it may seem, you'll open up to at least one person and let them in._ "

Derek stares at his ceiling while his feelings churn like undercurrents, and, of course, he thinks about Stiles.

 

**-X-**

 

The summer before ninth grade is when it happens.

Derek is at the doctor's office, and he's sitting on the examination table waiting for his doctor to come back to give him a lollipop and send him on his way. Laura and Cora are already out in the waiting room with Peter, and Talia sits in one of the two chairs opposite of Derek's perch.

"Derek, this... this check-up is going to be a little different..."

Derek tilts his head as he kicks his legs out a little, "How come? They took my blood and checked my weight and height just like they've always done. How is that different?"

"I've been talking to your doctor about this for some time now, Derek, and we both- we both think there might be a reason as to why you're a little quiet and shy..."

"People make me nervous," Derek explains lightly, and he stares at his feet as they swish about casually in the air, "You told me that was alright some time ago... What makes it an issue now?"

It's still not an issue, but honey... I'm worried about you. Your uncle insists that you're just quiet right because you're about to go through puberty, and while that may be true- ... Derek, I think there might be another reason as to why you are having issues, and your doctor agrees with me."

Derek tilts his head, "I'm not sick in the brain, am I?"

Talia frowns, "No, _absolutely not,_ Derek. You just- you have a disadvantage, I think."

"Is that why this appointment is different? They found something wrong with me?"

"No, Derek," Talia stands and comes over to cup her son's face, "Baby, there's a lot that happens to people in this world. I just want you to know that whatever happens here in this room isn't going to change a thing."

Those words set off a chain reaction - as though someone had flipped a switch inside of him - and Derek finds himself panicking.

"M-Mom?" Derek stutters with worry.

The door opens to reveal Derek's doctor, "Hello, Derek, Mrs. Hale."

"Doctor," Talia nods as she takes her seat again.

"I have some news for you..."

Derek grips the edge of the table until his fingers pop, "I'm not- I'm not _sick,_ am I?"

"No, Derek," the doctor smiles softly as he comes a little closer, "Why would you think that?"

"Because I like boys," Derek blurts honestly, "I like boys and another one at my school named Danny does too. He told his parents about it and they said he was sick in the head. Is that why I'm here? Am I 'sick' like Danny-"

" _Derek!"_ Talia scolds.

Derek ducks his head, "I'm sorry, mom... Just all these kids at school tease Danny. You told me that liking boys was okay, but it seems like no one else thinks so. You lied to me. It's _not_ okay."

"Could you excuse us for a moment?" Talia looks at the doctor with some franticness.

He nods, and silently steps out of the room.

"Derek," Talia says softly, "is there something else you need to be telling me?"

"I messed up with Stiles, mom."

Talia coos as Derek begins to tear up, and she cups the side of his face, "Oh, honey... What happened?"

"I said I liked him. He was wondering why I was still friends with him and I just- I said I liked him, mom."

His mother scowls, "How does that mess things up with him?"

"Because I don't know if he likes boys like I do," Derek cries softy, and he wipes at his eyes, "I told him that I liked him and I froze. I froze and he took it another way and now I don't know how to tell him that without driving him off."

"Oh, Derek," his mom softly exhales and pulls her boy close, "It's okay. It's okay."

Derek shakes his head, but he doesn't say anything else throughout the entire appointment, because it's not, really.

 

**-X-**

 

**THE DOCTOR SAYS THAT I'VE GOT A MILD CASE OF AUTISM. I'M SORRY.**

_That's not how I ever thought you'd start off a message, but that's fine. There's no reason for you to be sorry about that._

**YOU'RE NOT BOTHERED ARE YOU?**

_Dude, no. I've got ADHD myself, which is sort of like autism mixed with a hyperactive disorder. It means you and I have kind of the same thing, Big Bad. (:_

Derek stares at the screen: **IT DOES?**

_Yeah, it does. Wanna be autistic together, you dork?_

For the first time since Derek found out, he smiles.

**OF COURSE YOU IDIOT.**

 

**-X-**

 

_So you live in San Francisco... Truth be told I thought you lived in Antarctica._

**YES STILES. I LIVE IN ANTARCTICA. I'M CURRENTLY REPLYING TO YOU WHILE I'M NESTING WITH A PENGUIN.**

_Whoa, someone's sassy today._

**MY SISTERS ARE ANNOYING ME.**

_Want me to rough them up for you?_

Derek snorts: **I DON'T THINK THAT'S POSSIBLE SINCE I APPARENTLY LIVE IN ANTARCTICA AND YOU LIVE GOD KNOWS WHERE.**

_You'd be surprised at how efficient I am either way. Oh, and Beacon Hills is in Cali, Big Bad. It's just a really tiny rural-ish town. It's not big like San Fran or the South Pole._

**OBVIOUSLY NOT IF I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT. ANTARCTICA ASIDE I THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT WE LIVE IN THE SAME STATE AND NEVER EVEN KNEW UNTIL NOW.**

Derek can imagine Stiles smirking: _Yeah, it's pretty weird, now that I think about it... We could literally come see each other if we wanted._

Something in Derek freezes at that, but apparently Stiles is one step ahead of him.

_Of course, there'd be a lot of issues, and I think seeing you in person would be WAY different than sending you a package or whatever... I don't think my dad would fly for that at all._

It's a bullet that was narrowly missed, but what it hits instead, exactly, Derek doesn't know.

**IT'S FINE. WE'RE GOOD LIKE THIS. THIS WORKS FOR US.**

Stiles doesn't reply until the upcoming morning.

_I guess it does..._

 

**-X-**

 

Stiles is decently popular now.

Each one of his videos is now grossing around almost a thousand and some odd views within the first day, and over time, it steadily increases. Derek stares at the numbers throughout the summer, and he finds that they confuse him more than words do.

Still, when he talks to Stiles, he doesn't bring up the popularity issues. After all, if Stiles is happy, then Derek can be.

Even if he's not, really.

 

**-X-**

 

Stiles' package to Derek comes before the first week of school.

"Took long enough," Derek mutters once he brings it up to his room, but his bitterness is underlined with excitement.

He rips apart the packaging to find that, carefully wrapped, is a handmade clay version of a howling werewolf. Its face is a little lopsided and its ears are bent from where Derek guesses Stiles struggled to form them - but he loves it immensely either way.

He's grinning from ear to ear when he notices that there's a letter inside the box.

_TO BIG BAD_

Derek sets his clay figure from Stiles down onto the mattress carefully before he rushes to read the letter that was wrote to him in what seems like a rough, but legible scrawl.

 _Dear Big Bad,_  
_Look, I made you something that could actually be considered present material! It took about ten dollars worth of clay from the local arts and crafts store and some meticulous handiwork, but I got it done. It took so long to get to you because I kept mulling over it and having to wait for it to dry out since I was an idiot and bought the kid's version that takes FOREVER to get hard enough to ship, apparently. Still, I know I'm not exactly an artist per say, but I felt like, with your username and all, this would be a good gift for you, Big Bad. I just hope you like it._  
_Oh, and be careful, it can break really easily. If it does, just super glue it back together. It'll be fine. (;_  
_\- Stiles_

_P.S. Why is your username "bigbad618" anyways? I don't think you ever told me..._

Derek folds the letter back together gingerly, and he looks back to the tiny sculpture that Stiles had made for him as more feelings bombard him.

And of course, as Laura and Cora bombard his room, as well.

"What did you get, Derek?" Laura comes forward to eye the clay werewolf resting on Derek's sheets, "What is that?"

"I think it's supposed to be a dog," Cora murmurs, and she comes forward to grab at Stiles' gift.

Derek snatches it away quickly, and scowls at his sisters for being the way that they are, "Leave it alone. It's not for you, so don't worry about it."

"Mom! Derek won't let us see what he got in the mail!"

Talia comes into the room right before Derek smacks his sister away, "Mail?"

"Derek got mail and he won't let us see what it is," Laura explains with a pout.

"Derek?"

"It's from Stiles," he blurts.

"Is he your-" Laura and Cora sing-song together then, " _boyfriend?"_

Derek blushes heavily, "N-No..."

Talia sighs, "Girls, rooms, _now._ "

Cora and Laura sigh and pout, but they still obey Talia.

Talia runs a hand over her face, and she sits down on the edge of Derek's bed, "You know they're too young to understand-"

"People still make fun of Danny. They still isolate him. It doesn't matter what their age is, mom, they still do it. They still make fun of and disrespect people like me."

"They shouldn't. I told you, Derek. There is nothing wrong with you, and I meant it."

Derek wipes absently at his eye, "But will the world mean it too?"

"I- " Talia pauses for a moment, and she scoots closer to her son, "Now that I don't know..."

"That's the point, mom. That's why I can't talk to people or open up to them. All they're going to do is find out who I really am and they won't want to talk to me anymore..."

Talia frowns, "Derek, not everyone is going to hate you."

"And not everyone is going to accept me, either," Derek sighs as he leans onto his mom, his hand still clutching onto the clay figure that Stiles had so carefully molded for him.

"But it seems like you've already found someone that has..." Talia murmurs as she eyes Stiles' gift.

"Have I, considering?"

Talia smiles, "Derek, I'm sure that you'll eventually open up to Stiles and tell him how you feel. You just need time."

Derek pauses for a moment, "Y-You think so?"

"Yes, Derek," his mother vows, "It may take you a while, but I'm certain you'll come around eventually."

"Thanks, mom."

She kisses Derek's forehead and stands, "It's what mothers are for..."

She leaves the room and gently shuts Derek's door, leaving him to stare at the gift from Stiles.

"Time," Derek murmurs as he traces over the furry mane and snout of the figure, "I'll tell him after some time..."

How long that might take, Derek doesn't know.

Still, either way, Derek creeps over to his desk, and he sets down his figurine beside his monitor before he types.

**IT'S BIGBAD618 BECAUSE MY SISTERS ALWAYS CALL ME A BUNNY BECAUSE OF HOW I SMILE. I SCOWL A LOT INSTEAD AND THEY SAY IT TURNS ME INTO A GRUMPY WOLF OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW. THEY'RE KIND OF STUPID.**

Stiles' reply is instant.

_I'm guessing you got my gift, then? Well, either way that gives me an idea... You know, I am aware of how "in fashion" Webkinz are right now, and I must say, I really do appreciate this lil' ol' husky you sent my way. I was struggling to give it a name until now._

Derek furrows his brow: **SO WHAT DID YOU NAME IT?**

_The only thing that I could, considering how important its previous owner was. I hope you don't mind, Big Bad, but I took some inspiration from your username and your bitter story. I've named him Sourwolf in tribute to your struggles._

**I'M HONORED.**

_You should be. I spent ten bucks on clay, man. TEN. BUCKS. That's like selling my liver on the black market worthy, dude._

Derek laughs, and for a second, he believes that opening up to someone may not be so foreboding after all.

 

 


	2. 2006

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darn. YouTube's 10th anniversary just passed. ):  
> In case you haven't realized, Stiles and Derek's relationship kind of runs along that timeline. Whoops.
> 
> Still, I updated! Whoop!
> 
> Prepare for some emotions. ):
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

 

* * *

 

_High school is weird._

**AGREED. WHO KNEW THAT TV IS SO INNACURATE IN THIS PORTRAYAL? AT LEAST THEY GOT THE MOPING TEENAGER PART RIGHT.**

_I know, Mean Girls never prepared me for this. I mean, I thought I'd either trip or get forced into a trash can. I never thought I'd want to PUT myself in it and let the garbage men take me away to the dump where I could exist peacefully away from the horrors of the teenage existence in my own filth._

**I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT. ALSO THAT'S A WEIRD WAY TO JUST SAY YOU DON'T LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.**

_Big Bad, I am shocked. You're telling me you've NEVER seen Mean Girls? That, and I'm shocked at the fact you judge my approach on the subject._

Derek frowns: **UH NO? STILES I'M NOT JUDGING YOU.**

_Sure you aren't... But either way, I need to educate you about perfection, alright?_

**STILES I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN THE MOVIE.**

_That's because you haven't been blessed by its existence yet, my friend. Come on. You're supposed to take my suggestions to heart, Big Bad._

**YOU SAID THAT ABOUT MAYO AND YOU. LIED.**

Derek can imagine Stiles laughing at him still: _Okay, so I MAYBE abused that once to get a giggle out of it. But I made up for it, right? I made another video for you._

**STILL DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT MY TASTEBUDS SHALL BE FOREVER VIOLATED BY THAT SCUM.**

_You're going to be bitter about that forever, aren't you?_

**FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS STILES.**

_Unfair, man... You can't drop a weight on a dude like that and drag him down with it every chance you get._

**I CAN WHEN AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU. I INTRODUCED YOU TO MINT JELLY STILES. I SHOWED YOU LIFE AND YOU GAVE ME DEATH.**

_That's a dramatic way to put it, but yes. The mint jelly is a nice addition to my toast in the mornings, so thank you. But still. It was a joke, Big Bad._

**OH YES AND IT WAS SO FUNNY TO GET FOOD POISONING BECAUSE OF YOUR "JOKE" RECOMMENDATION. I ENJOYED FEELING MY STOMACH TURN INSIDE OUT.**

_That was really unintended, believe me. There was no way that I could've been aware of that even being a possibility. But seriously, Big Bad, it was only a joke._

**STILL NOT FUNNY.**

_It's a little funny..._

**STILES.**

_Yes, Big Bad?_

Derek sighs and rolls his eyes softly: **JUST GET BACK TO THE MOVIE OR WHATEVER.**

_Oh, yes, right! So do you have a Blockbuster near you?_

**I THINK SO?**

_Ask to go there and rent it. Trust me._

**FINE.**

_Oh, and when you're done watching it, message me and tell me what you think! I'm waiting for the "oh my gosh Stiles I'm so sorry I should listen to your suggestions again despite the mayo betrayal which I forgive you for now"._

Derek snorts: **REPLY YES. FORGIVENESS NO.**

_):_

**-X-**

Derek is trying to find the movie Stiles recommended when Peter comes up beside him.

"I never took you for a Mission Impossible fan."

Derek sighs and doesn't look at his uncle, but rather, keeps going through the 'M' section of the available rentals, "I'm not really..."

"Then why are you over here, exactly? You usually don't even like movies."

"I wanted to try something new..." Derek murmurs heatedly, and his anger builds up a little as Peter hums a sarcastic okay.

Derek is about to give up looking for it when Peter outstretches his hand, and within it, it's what seems to be the only copy of Mean Girls that's left in the store.

"I know you, Derek, and I know about Stiles, too."

Derek pales a little, "P-Peter..."

"It's fine, Derek. I honestly don't care about it," Peter sighs as he places the movie in Derek's trembling hand, "You know, your mother told me to be gentle with you about you and this friend of yours, and she certainly wasn't kidding-"

"You usually berate me for _everything,_ " Derek grits out, and his cheeks are burning so hot he's sure he can cook the bag of popcorn that Laura and Cora are currently tossing back and forth to one another like a ball, "Why would I think you would accept me when you do nothing but _judge me_ for every single microscopic thing?"

Peter scowls, "Derek, I don't ever judge you-"

"You always joke around with Laura and Cora when they try and make fun of me. You're always in on the punch lines- always the one who gets the last laugh. I'm sorry if I didn't want to talk to you over your obnoxious cackling."

To Derek's surprise, Peter looks genuinely confused and upset at his words, "Derek, I'm sorry if you got that impression from me. You know I care about you, kid. I've watched after you guys for your mom since- ... well you know how long I've been here for you... Still, Derek, I'm not going to disown you because of a preference or your relationship with Stiles."

Derek remains quiet for a moment, "Why should I believe _you?"_

"From what you've said, I guess you have every right not to, but I'm serious. If I was going to kick you out of my life and my sister's family, don't you think I would've already done it or tried to by now?"

Derek stays quiet, his hand clutching tightly onto the movie case as he eyes his uncle warily.

"Look, Derek, I can understand why you're hesitant about letting people know. The world is a cruel, unaccepting place, and I guess your sisters are little she-devils, truth be told, but not everyone is going to hate you for who you are. Yes, you will definitely run into those people that will during your lifetime, that's guaranteed about anything," Peter sighs and kneels down a little so he's eye level with Derek, and he sets a gentle hand on the teen's shoulder, "but another thing that's guaranteed is that you won't find those kind of people here in your family."

Derek's eyes blur a little, and his voice cracks at the uncertainty he feels, "H-How am I supposed to know that?"

"You don't, sadly," Peter's posture straightens, but his mouth is bent in a scowl, "Derek, you have to take your chances with people. You either hit, or you miss. I'm sorry that I can't tell you some magical method to hit the bulls eye every time you aim towards your relationships, but you just have to understand..."

"I don't understand a lot of things," Derek mutters quietly, and he clutches onto the movie Stiles recommended tightly as he begins to walk away, "but I do understand what you're trying to say."

Peter remains silent, and for it, Derek stops walking for a moment, but doesn't face his uncle directly.

"Thank you, Peter..."

Peter doesn't say anything back, but his response is clear when he rents Derek's movie of choice for him once Laura and Cora are already checked out.

**-X-**

_So, how did you like the movie?_

**VERY DRAMATIC. LINDSAY LOHAN SURELY MADE ME UNOPTOMISTIC ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL.**

_I know, I was about to rip my hair out throughout the film because of all the drama. Did you know I absolutely can't stand petty stuff like that? Like, talk it out, tell the truth. How is it so hard to be faithful in your relationships? I swear, it makes me wanna Blue's Clues wiggle into the TV and slap some common sense into people._

Derek chuckles as he smiles fondly: **I BET YOU'RE FUN AT PARTIES.**

_Wouldn't know. Never got invited to or went to one._

**WELL THERE'S APPARENTLY PLENTLY OF OPPORTUNITIES DURING HIGH SCHOOL.**

Derek can imagine Stiles laughing at that: _Oh, totally._

Derek sighs: **JOKES ASIDE ARE YOU NERVOUS STILES?**

_I would be lying if I said no..._

**AS WOULD I.**

_I'm scared about not making friends... I don't want to spend the next four years by myself..._

That makes Derek's throat tighten up: **I KNOW YOU DON'T. I DON'T WANT THAT EITHER.**

_For yourself or for me?_

**BOTH HONESTLY.**

_Fair comment._

Derek bites his lip as he types: **STILES PROMISE ME SOMETHING.**

_What? ..._

**IF WE CAN'T FIND ANYONE IN HIGH SCHOOL... IF WE DON'T MAKE ANY FRIENDS... PROMISE ME THAT WE'LL AT LEAST HAVE EACH OTHER.**

Stiles' reply is instant: _Of course, Big Bad. I'll always be there for you, no matter what._

Despite what Stiles says, Derek thinks there's a catch to this promise. What it is, exactly, Derek doesn't know for sure.

**-X-**

_My best friend has a crush on a girl and he's basically ditched me for her._

Derek's brow furrows: **STILES?**

_Sorry, just- my friend Scott and I have been best friends for years- like, since we were kids... He's interested in this girl who got transferred over from LA. Literally, all he had to do was look at her and he fell head over heels for her because she asked him for a pencil. How is that possible? I thought love at first sight was a joke..._

Derek would disagree. After all, it happened with him and Stiles.

**I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON WHAT HAPPENS AND WHO IT IS... THERE'S A LOT OF VARIABLES... BUT STILL HOW DID HE DITCH YOU?**

_We always hang out. He's spent the night here at my house for practically his whole life and vice versa, and suddenly, it's "I've got a study date with her, Stiles, I can't come over tonight" or even, my favorite, "we're watching Judge Judy on YouTube today, Stiles, I may get lucky while someone gets sued". Seriously. Who tries and get laid while watching some person outright lie about rent payments?_

**SOME PEOPLE HAVE STRANGE TASTES. EITHER WAY I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR FRIEND.**

_No disagreement there. And thanks, I guess..._

**YOU'RE WELCOME.**

_Speaking of tastes... My dad was talking to me about dating and stuff today._

After a coughing fit that nearly had the possibility of killing Derek cold, he manages to finally reply: **DID HE NOW?**

_Yeah, he started ranting about it after I initially complained about Scott becoming girl crazy. He said that it's something we're supposed to do but I'm not exactly into that I guess... I mean, there's one girl I've always liked since I was in third grade with her..._

Derek's heart shatters.

**A GIRL?...**

_Yeah, she's absolutely amazing, Big Bad. Her hair is this bright orange and her smile is just as blinding. She's super intelligent and doesn't take crap from anyone. Her name's Lydia Martin. We've been classmates since the beginning of elementary school, but... she doesn't know me really._

That makes Derek a little hopeful: **SHE DOESN'T?**

_No, not really. I try and say hi to her sometimes, but... this is going to sound pathetic, but she just walks right on by as though I hadn't said anything at all. It's like I don't exist to her._

A small part of Derek feels bad for feeling good about that: **MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD THING THEN. IT SEEMS LIKE SHE'S A LITTLE ON THE RUDE SIDE OF THINGS.**

Stiles takes a moment to reply: _Yeah... I guess you're right... I wouldn't of had a chance with her anyways... She's already dating someone, too, so..._

**I'M SORRY THAT YOUR HEART GOT CURB STOMPED ON.**

_It's fine... Sort of, when you put it like that... It just seems to be my luck, apparently._

Derek scowls softly: **I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE EVENTUALLY STILES.**

_Won't that be the day, Big Bad? Hold on. I've got to do something real quick._

**OK.**

Derek isn't worried. They take breaks in their discussions all the time.

They don't, however, wait till the very next afternoon to reply.

**-X-**

Derek's sitting at the dinner table with his family, and he's poking around absentmindedly at his mashed potatoes. The family group itself is silently eating their food, the only sound in the room being that of their forks clinking against their plates.

Until Peter speaks, of course.

"So, Derek," his uncle says around some peas, "did you like that movie that Stiles recommended?"

"Aren't you supposed to keep your mouth shut when it has food in it?"

"Derek!" Talia scolds.

Laura and Cora gawk for a moment while Peter snorts, "Hm, I suppose you're right on that one."

Derek sighs but doesn't look up from his plate, "I'm sorry, Peter."

"No, no. None of that now," his uncle sets his fork down and pauses to swallow, "I _was_ being a tad bit rude... Still, did you enjoy the movie?"

Derek flushes a little, "Y-Yes, I did... I never would've watched it had he not said anything, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless."

Peter smiles, "I'm sure that Stiles was pleased to hear that."

"He was... It was an 'I told you so' moment for him."

Cora and Laura are snickering off to the side.

"Does he plan on making any other recommendations?"

Derek does look up then, but out of shock, "W-What?"

"Well," Peter starts, and he looks over to his sister, "your mom and I have been thinking that it would be a good thing for us to do some sort of movie night. We're all not very good at picking films that are worth the rental fee, though."

Peter was referencing the "Son of the Mask" disaster. Let it be said that not all sequels are great and that Derek has a new found hate for Jamie Kennedy.

"Okay, but... what does this have to do with Stiles?"

"Maybe he could talk to us through the grapevine, or better yet, you, so we can actually view enjoyable films and not disappointments again."

Derek scowls, "Since when did Stiles become your movie sensei?"

Peter smiles, "He didn't. I was just thinking that this would be a good way for you to show us what kind of person Stiles is."

"Why do _you_ want to know?" 

"Honey, we all do," Talia murmurs from off to the side.

"But he's _my_ friend. I shouldn't have to make him the communal buddy."

Peter sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, "I knew we should've picked a different approach..."

"Derek, there's no reason to be this defensive with us. We only want to know what kind of person your friend is."

Derek frowns, "But why? Why do you want to know _now?_ You were okay with it before..."

Talia scowls softly, "Derek, I just want to know the boy that my son is sending mail to. Sure, call me paranoid or whatnot after reading that article about people taking advantage of anonymous identities for various things, but... I'm curious about him."

"Yeah, Derek, we wanna know about your _boyfriend-"_

" _Girls,_ " Talia grits out, and Derek's sisters quiet accordingly, "I told you, stop teasing your brother about this."

Cora pouts, but other than that, the girls remain in line about the matter.

Derek is still blushing hotly as he stutters, "S-Stiles is okay, mom. He's not some creep that prowls the internet."

"Show me, then," she insists, "You mentioned once that he made a video, and I know for a fact that he's on that 'tube' site of yours. I'd like to see what he does."

" _Mom!"_

"Don't be like that, Derek. I just want to know more about Stiles, is all."

Peter raises a small hand up, "I would like to know as well, if that's okay."

Derek pouts, "Do I _have_ to?"

Talia nods, "If it rests the worry I have of him being some weird creeper, then yes."

Derek sighs, because he knows he can't worm his way out of this one now.

**-X-**

"Well, lest his actual identity be Pinocchio, I believe that Stiles is in fact a real boy," Peter jokes as they watch Stiles' latest video, one of which that is apparently about Stiles struggling to figure out how to put together intricate Legos that form something from Star Wars, "and, lest I be wrong, I believe that Derek happens to be smitten with him and his clumsy tendencies."

Derek glares at his uncle as Talia sighs tiredly, "Peter..."

"What? It's just a few observations..."

Derek winces as Stiles shouts angrily when another piece falls off the meager structure he's currently got going in the video.

"Is this all he does?" Talia asks.

"N-No," Derek clicks on Stiles' username to take the webpage to Stiles' account, and he goes through the various videos listed - the total of which coming out to around twenty or so now, "He does a lot of other things."

Talia hums, "What's 'The Pudding Debate'?"

"It's- it's from a small disagreement we had about specific pudding flavors being the best..."

Peter remains oddly quiet while Talia smiles warmly at her son, "So he made that video because of you?"

"It was inspired by our conversation, but yes..."

"Are there any others that were also 'inspired' by you?" Peter asks then.

Derek blushes as he gestures to the video in question with the cursor, "He did one about my birthday, but that's about it..."

"This says it wasn't posted in November, but rather some time within January or February, Derek... Did he- did he make a video for you even though it's been months since then?"

"Yes," Derek blushes, and he ducks his head a little.

Talia laughs lightly, "That's- that's adorable, actually."

" _Mom,_ " Derek grits out.

"Personally, I think it's sweet," Peter murmurs as he looks about Stiles' page, "and you think he doesn't like you-"

"Peter!" Talia hisses, and Derek makes himself smaller in his seat, "He doesn't know if Stiles likes him _that_ way."

Peter pauses, and makes an 'oh' face, "I'm- I'm sorry, Derek. I didn't mean to poke at that. It was unintentional, I promise..."

Derek's mother sighs, "So, do you and Stiles plan on sending each other anything else in the mail?"

"I don't know. We haven't talked about that," Derek whispers.

"Well, I thought I would just give you the heads up... If you ever do plan on sending him a little something again, I'm completely fine with it."

Peter nods, "As am I. You've got two green lights on this one."

It's not much, but it means everything to Derek.

**-X-**

**MY MOM IS APPARENTLY OKAY WITH SENDING YOU STUFF IN THE MAIL. SHE ALSO WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT MORE MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS THAT YOU'VE GOT.**

_That's awesome! I'll make a list for you guys, then. (: Wait... You never talked to her about the mailing thing before?_

**NO NOT REALLY. ALL I DID WAS ASK HER FOR THE BOX AND TO TAKE ME TO THE POST OFFICE. I SENT YOU SOURWOLF WITH MY OWN MONEY.**

_Jesus, Big Bad! How much did shipping cost you!?_

**ABOUT FIFTEEN DOLLARS. WHY?**

_Nothing, just... I guess I can't hold the clay cost thing over your head anymore, can I?_

**I GUESS NOT BUT THAT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION I PROMISE. BESIDES MY MOM GIVES ME AN ALLOWANCE. FIFTEEN DOLLARS ISN'T LIKE A LIVER TO ME.**

_I suppose it isn't, but... Your mom sounds nice... What's she like, Big Bad?_

Derek pauses to think for a moment: **SHE TRIES REALLY HARD. IT'S JUST HER AND MY UNCLE WORKING TOGETHER. SHE TAKES CARE OF ME AND MY TWO SISTERS WITH HIS HELP. EVEN THEN SHE'S THE STRONGEST, THE KINDEST, AND THE SMARTEST PERSON THAT I KNOW.**

_I hope you don't hate me for asking this, but... Is your dad not around?_

**NO... NOT REALLY. HE LEFT MY MOM SOON AFTER SHE GOT PREGNANT WITH MY SISTERS. I WAS AROUND TWO OR THREE AT THE TIME I THINK. HE GOT FRIGHTENED BECAUSE MY MOM WAS HAVING TWINS OR SOMETHING AND MAYBE HE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT MANY PEOPLE I THINK. BUT EITHER WAY HE LEFT MY MOM HIGH AND DRY WHEN SHE WAS TWO MONTHS PREGNANT. SHE DECIDED TO KEEP ALL OF US AND MY UNCLE'S BEEN HELPING US OUT EVER SINCE.**

_That's horrible... Do your sisters look like him or your mom?_

**NEITHER ACTUALLY. THEY DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE EACH OTHER. THEY'RE FRATERNAL. I'VE BEEN TOLD I'VE GOT HIS EYEBROWS AND HIS NOSE BUT THE REST IS ALL MY MOM.**

_Well, at least there wouldn't be a mix up with who's who... You know, I never really got to know my mom. She died when I was about seven from cancer, but she was sick most of that time, having gotten diagnosed about a year and a few months after I was born. I spent a lot of my early childhood in and out of hospitals visiting her when she was well enough to not get sicker from a visit from my dad and I, which usually wasn't very often. I remember not being able to understand what was going on, really. In fact, I thought it was normal. I would sit in a chair on the upper floors of the hospital and I'd think that everyone had to visit their mom like that. It wasn't until I was in sixth grade that someone explained it to me. I was sad for a bit after that, but my dad was there and supportive, despite all the hell I gave him in general... I don't think I honestly show him how grateful I am for having at least him, you know? I'm already missing about half a set... How easy is it to lose the other piece, really? Just- I'm sorry that I poured all that out to you... You're probably thinking I'm stupid or something for all of that..._

Tears are welling up in Derek's eyes as he replies: **NO I'M NOT. EVEN THOUGH I CALL YOU AN IDIOT DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT'S TRUE. YOU AREN'T STUPID FOR FEELING THAT WAY IN THE SLIGHTEST.**

Stiles reply takes a little while, but when it comes in, Derek's tears are sticky against his cheeks: _Thank you, Big Bad... I really needed that..._

**ANYTIME.**

And Derek means it.

Later that night, right after they've departed from dinner, Derek makes sure to stay behind to be alone with his mom as she's washing the dishes. He clears his throat softly, which makes her stop what she's doing so she can face him.

"Derek? What is it? Cora and Laura aren't causing you trouble, are they?"

"N-No, mom," Derek comes forward and twiddles his thumbs together, "I just wanted to say a few things to you... things that aren't related to Cora and Laura... not really, anyways."

Talia frowns a little, and bends slightly to be more level with her son, "Is this about Stiles again?"

"A little, yes, but a little, no," Derek doesn't look at his mom in the eye, rather, hugs her outright and speaks into her shoulder, "but I'm really happy that you're the parent that stayed and that puts up with us... He never could've done that."

For once, Talia cries, and Derek comforts.

**-X-**

It's about a few months into school when things change for Derek, or more specifically, people begin to change.

Derek notices that people stare at him now, like he's growing an extra head or limb out of his side, and he doesn't know why. He tries to go about his business and eat lunch by himself or hide away in the corner of the bleachers in the mornings to read about Harry, but girls and boys flock to his table and fill in the benches around him with endless chatter and words that Derek can't understand. He gets flustered a lot and usually remains silent, trying to ignore how girls will bat their eyelashes and guys will brag about their throw, but it doesn't seem to be helping any.

One day, after some girl named Jennifer Blake left her number in his locker, Derek gets scared because he thinks this is a ploy.

Maybe everyone at school knows that he's into boys - like how Danny holds hands with Jake everyday before class and how they sneak kisses when they think no teacher is watching - and that this is a test. It's a test to see if he'll break and act in a way that he feels isn't right - isn't for him, specifically.

Still, he takes the small sticky note and carries it with him throughout the day until his mom picks him up to go home. His cheeks have been burning ever since he found it after third period, and he's sure that he looks like an over ripened tomato by the time he manages to get to his car through a sea of bustling students that are, for some reason, aching to follow him.

"Derek? Are you okay?" Talia asks as Derek hurriedly slides into the front seat, "You look like you've eaten a cashew! Seriously? Did you eat trail mix or something again?"

"No," Derek wheezes, and he stares at the dashboard with wide eyes to futily ignore how Jennifer Blake blows him a kiss as she walks in front of his mom's Ford, "I didn't eat trail mix again, mom. I know I'm allergic..."

"I know, but just... I haven't seen you this red except when you ate that stuff. I thought that maybe you got caught up with the bright colors of the chocolate candy pieces again."

Derek grips tightly onto his jeans, "You make it sound like I'm a cat with a laser pointer..."

"You and I both know it's not like that, but I do know how you are, Derek. You kept muttering about the 'tasty blue ones' on the way to the hospital..." his mom sighs, "But still, Derek... What's bothering you?"

"A girl gave me her number today and I don't want it."

"Derek," Talia scolds softly.

"I don't, okay? I don't like girls, but even then, if I did, I wouldn't like her. I don't even _know_ her. She's a stupid sophomore."

Talia breathes in deeply as she begins to drive them away from Derek's school, which is painstakingly slow from traffic, "Derek, maybe this girl isn't a bad thing. You could at least be friends-"

"I _already have_ a friend..." Derek mutters, crossing his arms and slouching a little in his seat as he does so.

"Derek..."

Derek pulls out the tiny piece of paper and looks at what's written on it as he speaks, "She wrote it on a sticky note and put it in my locker, which is creepy since I'm only supposed to know its code, but... She left her number and name on it. She even dotted her i's with hearts. Who even does that anymore?"

Talia chuckles, "Derek, I'm sure it has to do with what she intended to imply with her giving that to you."

"Well it doesn't matter, because her heart-i's are not reciprocated."

Talia laughs this time around, "Wow, Derek, way to let a girl off easy."

Derek pauses, and his question is genuine when he asks it, "There's another way to tell her no?"

Talia laughs the whole way home.

**-X-**

"So a girl is interested in you," Peter says as he dances the sticky note in between his fingers while he examines it, "but you aren't interested in her... Quite the predicament, indeed."

"Mom just kept laughing about it, so I can't get help from her, but... How do I tell her that I don't feel that way?"

Peter looks at Derek then, "I'm assuming that you're asking about telling her it's not mutual rather than about your actual interests?"

"Y-Yes," Derek blushes, "I don't- I don't want people to know at school... I know that Danny still has issues because of it... I don't want that as much as I don't want her."

Peter snorts, "Your mother wasn't lying when she said you were brutally honest, but sure, I'll help you out, dear nephew of mine."

"Thank you."

"The first step is to make sure that you're not flustered. Now, since we both know how you are around people, that may be a little... _challenging,_ to say at the very least... I just want you to make sure that she doesn't read into it as something else- like it being nervousness because you're crushing on her or something."

Derek scowls as he looks at his uncle, "But why would she think that when I'm turning her down?"

"Because love makes you stupid, Derek, just know that now," Peter sighs, "Still, I want you to try and be as coherent and calm as possible, that way she'll have less of a doubt as to why you're talking to her."

"O-Okay..."

Peter points a finger at Derek then, "See, that's what we don't want. Stuttering. It's alright here, because we know how you get all tongue tied, but that kind of thing will be a red flag to her. You're trying to sink this ship of hers, not turn it into a submarine."

"I don't think I understand that metaphor, exactly, but I think I understand what you mean."

His uncle raises a brow, "Which is?"

"You don't want me to lead her on."

"Yes!" Peter claps his hands together, making the note crinkle a little, "Oh, whoops. Well, it's not like you were going to use it or anything."

Derek shakes his head, "No. Mom told me it would've been worse if I called her to tell her about my non-existent feelings."

"Oh god, _yes._ That would've been catastrophic," Peter rubs at his forehead in what seems like honest fear, "There isn't a phone plan big enough for the wailing calls of a heartbroken teenager with her unreciprocating crush's number."

"That's not what mom said exactly, but I'm sure she'd agree."

Peter sighs, "Well, it doesn't change the fact you've got a hormonal teenage girl on your tail. Sit down, Derek, because I'm going to explain a thing called 'how to turn down an offer in a few simple steps'."

By the end of his "training session", Derek suggests that his uncle write a book. Peter only laughs, and tells him to go and say hi to Stiles for him.

**-X-**

**MY UNCLE SAYS HI.**

_Oh, well... tell him I said hi back? Funny enough, though, my dad asked about you today._

Derek's heart speeds up a little in its tempo: **HE DID?**

_Yeah, I mean, he was curious about you right after the whole mail thing, but... I can tell he's been meaning to know who this pen pal of mine is._

**WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?**

_Well, he warned me about strangers on the internet first, but he became open to the idea after I explained that you never once acted creepy with me. He was more relaxed after that. He kept asking about things and I answered as well as I could._

**WHAT DO YOU MEAN?**

_Well, we don't know EVERYTHING about each other, and I knew some things were personal, so... I did tell him you had autism, though._

Derek blushes: **MILD AUTISM.**

_Big Bad, there's no such thing as "mild" autism._

**I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO SCARE YOU OFF...**

_Autism isn't like being a vampire or werewolf, Big Bad. It's just a mental kind of thing that leaves you with ticks, which are like jerking your head or stuttering without intending to. It means that you have trouble socializing with people and that you become obsessive about certain things in your life, it doesn't mean that you transform into some big, green monster when you get angry, Big Bad. It's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of._

**YOU SAID THAT YOU HAD SOMETHING LIKE IT TOO RIGHT? ACDC I THINK?**

_No, that's a band from a decade or two back. It's actually known as ADHD._

That makes him feel a tad bit embarrassed: **OH... SORRY.**

_It's fine. That honestly made me laugh a little. (: But still, Big Bad. I have ADHD, which means I have trouble paying attention and focusing on things. I get really hyper and can't stop moving, so it's like I'm on a constant sugar high without the candy to fuel it. I used to have a lot of problems with it, but my dad took me to the doctor and I got Adderall for it. It makes me calmer and better at controlling myself._

**IS THERE SOMETHING FOR WHAT I HAVE?**

_No... not really. I've never heard of there being a medication for autism... I'm sorry._

**IT'S FINE.**

_I feel like I've cheated, though. ADHD and autism are a lot alike, so why can't it be treated the same way?_

**I THINK IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE A BROKEN DOWN CAR. THE ENGINE LIGHT BE ON BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT YOUR SPARK PLUGS THAT ARE BAD.**

_Dude, are you like some, I dunno, car mechanic poet or something?_

**NOT REALLY I DON'T THINK. I JUST REMEMBER THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO MY MOM ONCE.**

_Oh... I thought you were like, a gear head._

**I DON'T THINK I AM REALLY BUT I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF A CAR CAUGHT MY EYE AND KEPT IT.**

_You're strange, Big Bad._

Derek scowls for a second: **IS THAT A BAD THING?**

_No, it's a good thing, you dork._

**THANKS IDIOT. :)**

_YOU USED A SMILEY FACE OMG._

**I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE SUPPOSED TO BE USING ONLY CAPS.**

_BIG BAD, COME ON._

**HOW DO WE KNOW WHO'S WHO NOW?**

_I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE._

**IT'S LIKE WE'RE TWINS NOW.**

_DUDE WE COULD PULL A PARENT TRAP THEN OMG._

**PARENT TRAP?**

_YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MOVIE?_

**NO I HAVEN'T.**

_WELL TELL YOUR MOM AND YOUR UNCLE BECAUSE IT'S MY FIRST MOVIE SUGGESTION FOR YALL._

**I'LL TELL THEM THEN. IT'S ABOUT TIME WE TAKE MEAN GIRLS BACK ANYWAYS. IT'S ALMOST LATE.**

_I SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE YOU GUYS A LIST AND SEND IT TO YOU._

**THEN DO IT. I'M SURE MY UNCLE AND MOM WOULD APPRECIATE THAT.**

_FINE, I WILL. I'M GOING TO STOP DOING THE CAPS THING NOW. IT'S GETTING TOO CONFUSING AND MY PINKY KEEPS ACCIDENTALLY HITTING THE CAPS BUTTON ANYWAYS AND I KEEP HAVING TO FIX IT._

**OK.**

_Okay._

**-X-**

It's before the last period of the day on Friday when Jennifer Blake officially confronts Derek about the whole phone number thing.

He's at his locker again, putting away his English textbook to exchange it for his math one. It's just his usual routine until a throat clears itself behind him. It makes Derek freeze for a second, and as his heart pounds, he turns to face Jennifer being bracketed by two other girls who seem to be in on the current situation.

Oh god, and Peter had told him that he was supposed to do this with _just_ Jennifer.

"So, Derek," Jennifer plays with a strand of her curled hair, "you never called me."

"I- " Derek flounders for a moment, feeling outnumbered and cornered as Jennifer's friends giggle like something here is _funny,_ "I didn't want to..."

"Oh come on, silly, I know you do," Jennifer purrs as she closes in a bit, practically pressing Derek against his locker as she does so, "I've seen the way you act around me."

Derek shakes his head, knowing that by the way his cheeks burn and the girls laugh that he must look ridiculous, "It's h-how I act with everyone-"

"Oh sure it is, Derek. But you and I both know better than that," Jennifer giggles and presses a hot kiss against the corner of Derek's lips and-

Without thinking, Derek pushes Jennifer away, causing everyone in the hallway to stop what they're doing to eye what just happened. 

Air is hard to come by in Derek's lungs as he just bolts off, leaving Jennifer in a crying heap on the floor and her friends shouting angrily after him, but still. Derek can't look behind him, he just sprints towards the nearest bathroom and shuts himself into the last stall available. Tears are welling up around his eyes and his breathing is harsh and rushed. He can still hear the shouting from the commotion back near his locker, but it's fainter now - far away... Yet he doesn't feel right - doesn't feel _safe_.

Without thinking, Derek pulls out his phone and calls his mom. She answers on the first ring.

" _Derek? Is something wrong?"_

"Jennifer pushed me up against my locker and kissed me and so I pushed her back and ran off and now I'm in a bathroom stall and I don't know what to do-"

He can hear his mom move something in the background, " _Okay, honey, come on. Breathe slowly. I'm coming to the school now._ "

Derek feels pathetic as he begins to blubber like a child, "Peter told me what to do and I still messed up, mom. I still got flustered and now everyone will think I'm a jerk for pushing Jennifer-"

" _No such thing will happen- not on my watch, Derek,_ " his mom vows as he hears her get into her car and start it, " _I'll make sure that they won't be able to do anything like that again._ "

Derek nods, despite the fact his mom can't see it, and continues to tear up as she speaks softly to him.

" _Just stay on the phone with me until I get there. I promise I'll make everything okay, alright?"_

"Why do I have to be like this, mom? Why can't I be normal and talk normally and _feel_ normally?"

His mother takes a second, " _Derek, do you remember what I told you in the doctor's office not that long ago?"_

"That w-whatever happens, it wouldn't change a thing?"

" _Yes. And you want to know why I said that?"_

Derek swallows, "Y-Yeah..."

His mother's voice is like silk - comforting and calm just like Derek needs it to be, " _I said that to you because, no matter what happens, Derek, I'll always love you. There's nothing in this whole entire universe that could make me feel any different. I don't care that you like boys or that you stutter when someone asks you a question, because I love you all the same. I always will. No matter what._ "

"I l-love you too, mom," Derek says softly, and he stays on the line with her until the SRO finds him in the bathroom stall.

**-X-**

"Ms. Hale, that isn't an excuse," the principal sighs as he begins to fill out Derek's paperwork, "I'm afraid that Derek can't assault my other students for whatever reason other than self-defense."

Talia glares at the man, who's hair as seemed to migrate from the top of his head to his upper lip - his brain, however, is at a loss, "But she had him pressed against the locker! That' isn't right!"

"Neither is pushing her away, Ms. Hale. Jennifer could've gotten seriously injured because of that."

"But that didn't happen! What _did_ happen is that she forcefully kissed and put herself on my son! She even broke into his locker to leave him her number!"

The principal sighs, "Yes, that part is against school policy, so she will be punished accordingly for her actions, as will Derek."

His mother groans in frustration, "Surely you can see that this is completely irrational! My son-"

"Is _expelled,_ Ms. Hale. I can't have him putting his hands on my students like that. It's a serious safety issue."

"I'm sure that if this was the other way around, you'd have a different tune."

The principal's expression darkens, "What are you saying, Ms. Hale?"

"I know what you're saying here. You're acting as though Jennifer did nothing wrong to my son. If it had been Jennifer against that locker, you would've been giving her a gold medal for defending herself-"

"Ms. Hale!"

"This is wrong, no matter genders, and you know it. Just because she put herself upon him doesn't make it any better- it doesn't make it right. This is an assault on her part, and my son shouldn't be reprimanded for it like this. He shouldn't be kicked out of school because he protected himself from some girl who doesn't respect consent or personal space."

Talia's words make the principal turn a violent mix of reds and purples, "Ms. Hale, that's enough. I will not tolerate such slander in my office. Now please, collect your son and his belongings and leave before this becomes an even bigger issue."

Derek, who had been sitting quietly and hanging his head throughout the argument, stands and begins to leave. His mother looks completely furious, and she makes sure to hiss a venomous goodbye to the man sitting behind her.

Talia remains silent as she walks alongside her son. Thankfully, everyone has left for the school day, so no eyes trail Derek during his last miserable walk to his locker. He's quiet himself, even so as he begins to pack his bag and clear out his things, despite the fact that there's nothing in there of true value.

Maybe it's just the humility of the whole thing - of making Derek turn in his textbooks early; of making Derek shut the door to his vacant locker for the last time despite it being almost halfway through the school year. It leaves a sour taste in Derek's mouth, one that slithers down his throat and rests uneasily in his stomach. It swirls around violently as Derek gets into his mom's car with his bag full of his things in tow, and it peaks as he's driven away from his school for what is apparently the last time.

"We don't need that place anyways," Talia grits out as her hands grip tightly onto the steering wheel, "It's full of nothing but rats, apparently."

Derek says nothing, but instead, ducks his head while he stares out the passenger window as the world still somehow manages to pass on by.

**-X-**

When Derek finally gets home, Peter is confused. He looks at Derek and his things with a baffled expression until an irate Talia explains the situation.

Confusion turns into anger, and anger falls into what seems like pity, because he looks at Derek with a soft frown and eyes that say nothing but sorry.

Derek doesn't say anything, but instead, heads up to his room.

**-X-**

**STILES HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET THROUGH THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?**

_I don't know, I just did... Why? Did something happen?_

**I GOT EXPELLED.**

_What!? Why!?_

Derek sighs: **IT'S A LONG COMPLICATED STORY. BUT TO SUM IT UP I PUSHED A GIRL BECAUSE SHE WAS FORCING HERSELF ON ME.**

_Oh my god, that's horrible! What's even worse is that you got in trouble for something you didn't even do! Well, more like in trouble for something that you shouldn't have gotten in trouble for... Just- let me talk to my dad real quick._

**STILES THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO. I'VE ALREADY BEEN KICKED OUT. IT'S ALRIGHT.**

_Alright my ass... Look, I'm going to try and fix this, okay?_

Derek furrows his brow: **STILES THERE REALLY ISN'T ANYTHING YOU CAN DO. YOU LIVE CITIES TO HOURS AWAY AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME OR WHAT SCHOOL I WENT TO.**

_Don't._

**DON'T WHAT?**

_Don't tell me there isn't anything I can do... I don't want to feel useless._

**YOU AREN'T. I PROMISE YOU AREN'T.**

_But does that really change things? I mean, you come to me telling me that you're getting slammed for something you shouldn't, and I'm supposed to just sit back and do nothing? I understand that it's kind of impossible to get something done because of the fact that you and I are limited to this inbox right here, but does that really mean I can't do anything? That I'm just supposed to type to you that everything's okay when we both know it's really not?_

**STILES...**

_I want to be able to make it better, but I can't. I don't know how to and it's killing me. I just wish I could hug you or something and make you believe that it's actually going to get better, but I can't. All I can do is message you like this, and it's making me so upset because I know that deep down it's not enough. It never is going to be enough._

**IF I THOUGHT THAT DON'T YOU THINK THAT I WOULDN'T BE TALKING TO YOU AT ALL?**

Stiles takes a moment: _What do you mean? ..._

**WITH THAT LOGIC IT MEANS THAT I WOULDN'T WANT A FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU. IF IT'S NEVER GOING TO BE ENOUGH OR IF IT'S NEVER GOING TO BE THE WAY IT "NEEDS" TO BE THEN DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD'VE LEFT A WHILE AGO? WHY WOULD I GO OUT OF MY WAY TO TALK WITH YOU IF THERE'S NOTHING GOING TO COME OF IT? THAT WOULD BE IRRATIONAL AND SURE I COULD LEAVE. YET HERE I AM STILES. I'VE BEEN HERE. I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT WE'RE MILES APART AND THAT THIS IS THE ONLY FORM OF COMMUNICATION WE HAVE AND THAT'S FINE. THAT'S ALL I NEED. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT I HAVE TO BE ONLINE TO HAVE A DISCUSSION WITH YOU. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT WE HAVE THIRTY THREADS NOW BECAUSE WE'RE TOO STUBBORN TO CHANGE A TOPIC OF CONVERSATION EVEN THOUGH YOU AND I SOMETIMES JUST MESSAGE EACH OTHER ONE-WORDED REPLIES BECAUSE THERE ISN'T MUCH TO SAY ANYMORE. DO YOU SEE THAT STILES? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THOSE THINGS DON'T MATTER BECAUSE WE MAKE SURE THEY DON'T?**

Stiles' reply comes in ten minutes after Derek's: _Jeez, Big Bad... You just- you really know how to pull my heartstrings sometimes... But I guess you're right. You could leave at any time and just cut ties, because I know just as well as you do how fragile this whole thing is... but we keep it alive. We keep messaging each other and we send things to one another. I come to you when I've got panic attacks and you come to me because the world sometimes gets too big for one pair of shoulders to carry. And that's fine. It works for us because we make it work. I think that matters more than anything else._

**YOU TOO?**

Derek can imagine Stiles smiling - something warm and that crinkles slightly around his amber eyes: _Yes, you dork... Me too..._

Despite what had happened, Derek feels like it's going to really be okay now.

**-X-**

Derek's first day back is easier than he thought it would be. Thankfully, he was only out of school for about a day or so before Talia and Peter found a place for him. They told the new school about Derek's situation and his condition,and they understood what had happened and let Derek in with open arms.

The student body was nicer than at his last school, and while they approached Derek with the curiosity that one would have at someone foreign, they were never overly suffocating about it. In fact, a few people told Derek that he was cool and could sit by them, and that meant everything to Derek.

Except, when he remembered Stiles.

Was he betraying him? Was he stabbing him in the back by making new friends?

It nagged at Derek until he got home and got onto his computer, and he messages Stiles first thing.

**DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS AT SCHOOL STILES?**

_A few, yeah. There's Scott and a few others, but I'm not really popular. Thankfully no one's really recognized me from my videos, but... Why do you ask?_

**I WAS JUST WONDERING. I MADE A FEW DURING MY FIRST DAY AT MY NEW SCHOOL. I WAS JUST WANTING TO KNOW IF THAT WAS OK.**

_Big Bad, you're allowed to have other friends outside of this, okay? I'm not your keeper. You don't have to ask me about that sort of thing._

**I JUST FELT LIKE I WAS LYING OR SOMETHING YOU KNOW? LIKE WE'RE BEST FRIENDS. I DIDN'T WANT TO GO OFF AND MAKE ANOTHER.**

_You can have more than one best friend, Big Bad, especially in real life. Just because I'm online doesn't mean you have to stall yourself out there in the real world. Go out there. Make some buddies and do a few things with them. I'm not here to stop you from doing that._

**BUT WOULDN'T THAT MEAN THAT WE WOULD TALK LESS AND LESS? WHAT IF ONE DAY I JUST FORGET TO REPLY OR SOMETHING AND WE STOP TALKING? I DON'T WANT THAT STILES.**

It takes Stiles a minute or two to send his message: _Then I guess that's what happens, then... Look, Big Bad, I'm not saying that you HAVE to always talk to me. I understand that this isn't like a real, physical friendship. Things happen. Things change. It's life. I get that sometimes it's going to get in between people and make them drift apart, but... But I'm like you too..._

That makes Derek scowl softly: **WHAT DO YOU MEAN?**

_I don't want either of us to stop talking. I know that it's a lot to ask and that maybe, one day, probably years or sometime down the road, one of us is probably going to get fed up or is just going to stop talking. I don't know who it may be or why that may happen, but... tell me it won't be anytime soon... please._

**IT WON'T. I PROMISE.**

**-X-**

The rest of the year manages to pass by in what feels like blinks - as though Derek's eyes close for one second and he misses what feels like a huge chunk of time. He manages to fall into a small group of close friends at school and is doing well there, so he's happier about that. Family movie nights are a constant, and all of the films they rent for it are met with positive outcomes that don't involve green-masked flops.

Christmas comes in what feels like record time, and again, Derek spends it by opening presents from family and messages from Stiles. They decided to hold off on shipping any other gifts, considering that the poor postal people are flooded this time around and they're considerate when need be, but they do send a letter to one another. It comes in the mail exactly on the twenty-fourth, which made Derek happy. He did promise Stiles that he'd wait to open it until the day of, and he does. 

A promise is a promise, after all.

It's a tiny envelope that has "BIG BAD" scrawled on it, and Derek is super happy as he opens it and looks about its contents. Stiles doodled a few things for him - like what looks to be another cartoon werewolf and a few game characters that Derek had to look up to know. Still, he appreciates them, and especially the letter that Stiles wrote for him this year.

_Dear Big Bad,_

_It's been a year since our last Christmas, and almost two for when we first started talking to one another. That's a long time, it seems. Now, going by the lovely little helpful tune called "Seasons of Love" by Rent, I was able to calculate that we've nearly spent about one-million-and-fifty-thousand minutes together by the time our second frienniversary rolls around. That's a lot of time, and there was certainly a lot more words sent to one other throughout that duration. Just like in the song, there's not really a good way to sum that kind of time up. So I guess I could just tell you that it was fun and that I'm happy you commented on my video all that time ago. It's really changed things for the both of us..._

_I mean, you got diagnosed with autism this year and got expelled. I got bullied by a group of douchebags and had to go to court about it. Just look at that. That's dramatic. That's Jerry Springer worthy, dude, but we made it. We made it together._

_And if that tells me anything... it's that you and I can probably face a lot of tough things, but we can make it with each other at our backs. I just know it..._

_-Stiles_

Derek smiles and goes up to his room.

**YOU COULD TOTALLY BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER.**

_I prefer being a YouTuber more, but that's fine. I liked your crayon rendition of Mean Girls gone YouTube, Big Bad. I think you got my face perfectly when I put myself into the trash can._

**I WORKED VERY HARD.**

_I can tell... Hey, do you actually plan on going into drawing, Big Bad? You're actually pretty good._

Derek's cheeks burn at that: **MY ART TEACHERS ALWAYS RECOMMENDED IT, BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES...**

_Well darn. I'd totally buy your art... Say, Big Bad, is there anything else you do?_

**I DUNNO. I GOT PUT INTO THEATER THIS YEAR AND MY DRAMA TEACHER SAID I'M NOT TOO BAD. I EVEN GOT TO WRITE A PLAY FOR HER AND SHE SAID SHE LIKED IT.**

_Awesome! Why didn't you say anything?_

**BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU'D JUDGE ME FOR IT.**

_Big Bad, I made a video recently where I pretend to be a ghost that's unknowingly hunting itself, I think I'd have no room to talk about being weird._

**BUT YOU'RE GOOD AT BEING WEIRD STILES. I'M NOT.**

_Don't knock on yourself like that, Big Bad. I'm sure that people say you're good at something for a reason. No one ever gives out loose praise when it really comes down to it. Hey, how about you send me something of yours and I'll look over it, yeah? It could be our new thing for a new year, I guess. How does that sound?_

Derek's fingers hover over the keys for about five minutes: **I... I GUESS THAT COULD WORK.**

_Cool. Just whip something up for me, Big Bad. (; Heck, I might even make a video out of it, if you want me to._

**THAT'D BE... AWESOME ACTUALLY. LET'S AIM FOR THAT.**

And so Derek began writing.

**-X-**

As Derek's story grows, so does Stiles' fan base. What was once a sprawling of about a few hundred people has grown into a mass of about nearly two thousand and some odd viewers.

Stiles and Derek talk a little less because of it, but Derek fills in that time with writing his story for Stiles.

**-X-**

_Happy frienniversary, Big Bad! Two years by today!_

That's what greets Derek when he wakes up that morning, and he smiles. He sends Stiles another message, and with it, his story is attached.

He eagerly awaits Stiles' reply.

**-X-**

Stiles' reply comes later that evening.

_Dude, I can't-... This is frickin' amazing! Have you seriously thought about becoming an author, Big Bad?_

Derek is biting one hand's nails while the other types: **I DON'T KNOW. I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT HONESTLY.**

_You seriously should. I binge read this all frickin day and I can't possibly sum up how I feel right now... I just... You should show your mom and uncle this. I'm sure they'd love it._

**I DON'T KNOW... MY UNCLE DOESN'T NECESSARILY LIKE READING ABOUT TEENAGERS AND MY MOM PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE THE TIME.**

_Nonsense, Big Bad. They'd enjoy it. I did, and I usually don't like things like this, but your story definitely pulled me in. Seriously. Who knew that a love story between two boys stuck in the homophobic and war-stricken era of the seventies would be so fucking tough to read through?_

**WHAT DO YOU MEAN?**

_It's just that... I usually don't get attached to characters in a story like that, but geez, Big Bad, you had me tearing up a whole lot. Seriously. I never thought that I'd be broken by them holding hands when they were way older and accepted in pubic, saying "it was worth the wait", but I was._

Derek's heart hammers away in his chest: **SO YOU DON'T CARE THAT IT'S ABOUT A BOY LIKING A BOY?**

_Of course not! The story's too good for someone to write it off because of the characters' sexualities._

**OH. WELL I GUESS THAT'S GOOD THEN.**

_Yes! Now, go print this off, which, from what happened to me, will take a bit, and then go show this to your mom and uncle. I'm serious. I won't let it go until you do._

**IS IT DIFFERENT FROM HOLDING THE COST OF CLAY OVER MY HEAD?**

_Definitely. Now hurry up. They'll have less time to read it before the weekend's over, and trust me, they're going to need a bit for this one._

Derek rushes to comply.

**-X-**

It's in the middle of the late afternoon when Derek comes upon Peter and his mom making small talk at the kitchen table. Their conversation is humming along, only to be cut off abruptly as Derek drops about three quarters of an entire stack of printer paper onto the table. Peter raises a brow at him while Talia stares at the tower of stationery.

"What's this, nephew?"

Derek doesn't meet Peter's eye, but rather, balls his hands up into fists and stares determinedly at his feet while his cheeks redden, "I-It's another recommendation from Stiles..."

"Did he send you a book?" Talia asks.

"No, I wrote one," Derek whispers, "a-and he wants you both to read it."

There's a lapse of silence.

"Oh," his mother says quietly, and she picks up the papers, "Well... I guess that Peter and I could squeeze this one in."

Derek jerkily nods, "O-Okay... I'm going to go now."

"Alright."

He scrambles his way back into his room.

**-X-**

"Derek," Talia rushes into his room then, making him nearly jump out of his computer seat, "this- this is amazing!"

"M-Mom?"

Talia comes forward then, and she's jumping up and down on her toes excitedly, "Peter and I read your story and we loved it! I never knew you could write, Derek!"

Derek doesn't look at his mom, "I didn't think it was important-"

"It's always important!" Talia sets the story aside and cups her son's face, "Whatever you get passionate about, it's important. Whether it be writing or that boy Stiles, I don't care. It's important, and I want you to know that I'll always have your back no matter what you do."

"Mom?"

"Maybe your story scared some sense into me, or maybe it let me know how you felt about things," Talia is tearing up as she brushes a hand through Derek's hair, "I could sense so much frustration throughout and the writing and I- I never knew..."

Derek frowns at his mother, "What do you mean?"

Talia sighs, "Derek, the way you wrote it... The characters, their struggles... It was mostly centered about their sexualities and issues."

"Yes," Derek tilts his head in confusion, his voice completely serious, "That's the point of a narrative."

"You know what I mean..." his mother pauses and looks at him for a moment, "I felt like you personified your issues with your own sexuality... In fact, I think you personified yourself as one of those characters. Stiles, too."

"Mom-"

She presses a finger to his lips, "Hear me out... You made one eccentric and lively, while the other was shut in and nervous. You made it about how one struggled to be accepted for how he was gay while the other felt like he couldn't tell anyone because he wasn't sure if he'd be accepted, and it left the other in the dark because it was like he knew nothing about him. You made them separate themselves from everyone else to be with one another until they could be accepted together, despite it taking years for it to happen... Derek, answer me truthfully... Is this story based off of you and Stiles?"

Derek's heart stops.

"I- I don't know..."

"Derek-"

" _I don't know!"_ Derek pushes his mom away a little, "I wrote about what I felt was right, and that's what happened! I didn't mean for it- I swear I didn't-"

Talia pulls her son close, "Shush, Derek, it's alright... I didn't- I didn't mean to make you upset..."

Derek shakes his head, "Please don't hate me..."

"I could never hate you, baby, I swear," Talia coos.

Derek just buries his face into her shirt.

**-X-**

_So did they like it?_

**YES. THEY TOLD ME THE DID. VERY MUCH SO.**

_See? I told you that you had nothing to worry about!_

**SURE I DON'T.**

_Big Bad? ..._

**DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S FINE.**

_Okay... I put out a new video today..._

**I SAW.**

_Did you like it?_

**HAVEN'T WATCHED IT.**

_Oh... Well, when you do, tell me what you think._

**I ALWAYS DO. LOOK I'M REALLY TIRED. TODAY WAS A ROUGH DAY. I THINK I'M GOING TO GO AHEAD AND SLEEP IT OFF. SCHOOL'S TOMORROW ANYWAYS.**

_Alright... That's fine... Sleep well, Big Bad..._

**YOU TOO.**

And Derek signs out.


	3. NOT FIC RELATED

 

**Okay, so this isn't part of the fic.**

 

Quite honestly, I'm having a lot of issues with this fic, mainly for the fact that it's hard to get updates out and that I'm also having a great deal of writer's block with it. I'm kind of having to force myself to write. Not only that, another issue is turn out. No, I understand that not every fic uploaded will be an instant hit, but it's an issue with the people that I'm kind of writing this for. It makes me kind of upset to slave over a chapter that I wrote for about ten people I know, and only have about three or four read it. I'm not saying that the others haven't, but I certainly haven't gotten feedback from them on something they  _begged_ me to write. It's just a little infuriating to slave over a 10,000 worded chapter, with all of the formatting and whatnot, and only have what seems like two people read it. 

Now I understand that for those of you who are just tagging along for the ride, this seems like a bad thing. Sure, it is, because I actually plan on ~~deleting this off of AO3.~~

 

Actually, I now plan on putting this on hiatus.

 

_However._

 

I am also willing to upload this fic once it's finished altogether.

 

What I mean by that is that I'm going to be writing this while it's gone. There's a reason why for it, but I don't want to completely divulge, just in case.

 

So I don't know when I'll be back with this, or when this fic will be finished and ready for publishing once again, and I apologize. It's just frankly insulting to keep on messaging and alerting people and they aren't even bothered to look at something you stayed up and stressed out over. I hope you can understand that.

 

I'm also sorry for inadvertently punishing you guys as well, but that's the name of the game when it comes to this one, I'm afraid.

 

As for other works, I have no clue. I really don't.

 

Apologies, again.

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **SONGS USED FOR WRITING:**  
>  **Note: Some songs/versions of a song may not be found either on YouTube or on 8tracks.**
> 
> 1\. Wonder - Lauren Aquilina  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x2VD7QtNwI
> 
> 2\. Fools - Lauren Aquilina  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoT1cSY-LhM
> 
> 3\. Irrelevant - Lauren Aquilina  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lk_SeKgl-0
> 
> 4\. I Found - Amber Run  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbSZhGONRBg
> 
> 5\. Make It to Me - Sam Smith [Le P Remix]  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsgeXJqkVio
> 
> 6\. Attention - Wyatt  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-GdlZBaQTM
> 
> 7\. Arctic - Sleeping at Last  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8xtGXsueXA
> 
> 8\. One Last Time - Jaymes Young [Michael St. Laurent Remix]  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nj-g6Z2HHA
> 
> 9\. I'll Be Good - Jaymes Young  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkMVyw-7avI


End file.
